Confessions of a Virgin Blogger

So Long! Farewell! Auf Weidersehen! Goodbye!

2010-05-31T10:47:00.001-04:00

Well friends, my time in Denver is quickly coming to a close and so must my blog. It's been a wonderful, exciting, growth-filled year and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've made some great new friends and held on to old ones. I've grown closer to my family and begun to appreciate my roots. I'm sad that I won't be writing anymore but unfortunately a little thing called law school will be taking up most of my time from now on.

The name of my blog is "Confessions of a Virgin Blogger" which is an allusion to all the things I haven't experienced and all the things I want to. And so to bookend my blogging experience I thought I'd recap some of the awesome memories I have from this past year.

That's all for now folks. Sparky out.

I started a blog that got 47 followers!
I got to go to court, draft pleadings, and notarize a whole bunch of stuff.
I got into law school in New York City!
I healed from a broken heart and through that experience learned more about myself and the kind of person I ultimately want to end up with.
Some friends and I started a non-profit, Shoes for Samantha, to benefit my friend Sam, who works for the Peace Corps in Lesotho. We got an overwhelmingly positive response, especially from all you bloggers out there.
I held a tarantula.
I grew closer to my cousins.
I visited a hot springs with some of my favorite friends from Denver.
I crossed 9 states of my 50-in-50 list.
I learned to tango.
I lived in a different state.
I met Sutton Foster.
I said goodbye to my all time favorite TV show, LOST.
I lived without an actual TV.
I experienced snow in October... and in May!
I took up rollerblading and actually enjoyed exercising.
I went to many The Foot. concerts to support my cousin's band.
I attended a professional lacrosse game.
I got motorboated by an awesome Aussie in a drunken game of Truth or Dare Jenga.
I tasted green chile and elk.
I attended an orthodox Jewish wedding.
I loosened up (although it might not seem like it) and began to do things that made me happy, not others. Still got a ways to go though, I'd say.
I became an excellent parallel parker.
I went skiing in Vail.
I watched the entire series plus the two movies of Sex and the City.
I learned to cook.
I walked in two 5Ks.
I dressed up as Tina Fey for Halloween for the second year in a row.
I became more financially independent.
I crocheted a hat.
I tweeted for the first time.
I went to Cape Cod with my favorite munchkins.
I watched my friend Jen get her umpteenth tattoo.
I won two cases of burritos on Facebook.
I walked on ~~water~~ a frozen stream.
I assembled a wooden bed all by myself.
I dyed my roommate's hair.
I finally went to a Postsecret event.

Don't I Know You?

2010-05-29T11:49:00.005-04:00

On my flight from Denver to Tampa, I sat one seat down from Flo, that annoying Progressive car insurance girl. Her real name is Stephanie Courtney, which I promptly looked up on IMDB as soon as we landed. I thought she looked familiar when I squeezed past her to get to my seat but I couldn't place her. I don't like to talk to people on airplanes for fear of getting sucked into chatting with someone really boring for 5 hours. I keep my headphones in and try to look really mean in order to deter fellow passengers from interacting with me so I didn't spend too much time trying to place her... until the security regulation video was over and a Progressive car insurance commercial came on. That's when the man sitting in between us did a triple take and the people in behind us leaned forward to ask Flo all kinds of questions about being famous. Of course, I was intrigued, but let's face it; she's no Angelina Jolie. The stewardess and surrounding passengers seemed pretty starstruck though and Flo, herself, seemed flattered. Perhaps on the way back to Denver, I'll luck out and get seated next to Oprah or Vanna White.

Long Time No See

2010-05-27T23:08:00.001-04:00

I got to hang out with a couple friends from high school today and it reminded me how special old friendships are. Don't get me wrong; new friends are awesome but I would argue though that old friends are special and magnificent in a different way. You share a history and hopefully, you're able to also build a future.

Friends are so important to me; they're my life blood. Family is of course important as well, but I think that the best, most functional and loving families are the ones who are friends with each other. Relationships and interactions with other people remind us that we matter, that we aren't alone in this big wide world, that we are loved. I've felt a lot of love so far this week in South Carolina and I predict I'll feel even more tomorrow when I trek down I-85 towards Columbia, my hometown. And when I get back to Denver, my friends there will make me feel loved.

It's easy to take relationships for granted but this week I'm truly overjoyed by my friends. Philip took me to the airport. Mom brought me some snail mail from home. Daddy found out directions for me. Aunt Pam took me to see Wicked. Mike and Elizabeth had me over to watch LOST. Alice snuggled with me before breakfast. Susanna and Peter took me to lunch at Super Taco. Jane drew me a picture. Henry gave me a hug. Jonathan and Amy bought me a ~~beer~~ cider. Lesley met me for breakfast. Bug made me potato salad. Daddo called me by his special nickname for me, Raquel. Kristen and Amy caught up with me over lunch.

All that Rachel love and it's only Thursday!

It only ends once.

2010-05-24T06:20:00.005-04:00

It's finally happened. My beloved LOST has come to an end. I got to celebrate and watch with some of my favorite people and I've been reading blogs and texting with faraway Losties debriefing ever since. I'm a little too bummed to write a proper post right now, and per usual, I'm confused. Still processing and letting it all sink in. I'm not sure if I'm totally satisfied. Nevertheless, as a wise woman recently told me, we can't let the ending, no matter how disconcerting, discredit the journey. Thanks to JJ Abrams, Damon Lindelof, and Carlton Cuse for creating the best durn show of my life. RIP LOST. You will be missed.

"They can move the island, but never its place in my heart."

Headed Home

2010-05-22T09:49:00.002-04:00

I'm sitting on my couch at an ungodly hour for a Saturday waiting on my dear dear cousin to pick me up and take me to the airport (not before the customary trip to Chick-fil-a, mind you). I'm headed home to South Carolina for a whole week and I couldn't be more excited! Among other things I'm getting to see lots of family, friends, and favorite kids, see my fourth production of Wicked, say goodbye to LOST, eat at Sumo's and Super Taco, relax, and meet a new but very important baby. See you in a week!

"Oh what joy is like it to be quit of care and drop my load and after weary miles come home and sink upon the bed that I so used to dream of."

Important People Post #7; or, Merrillee Millar, as in "Merrily we roll along."

2010-05-20T11:46:00.011-04:00

We're throwing a going away dinner party for one of my all time favorite people tonight: my dear Denver friend, Merrillee. She's headed off into the wilderness for the summer to be a camp counselor and I'm going back to Clemson to chase around a different set of kids so we won't get to hang out anymore which makes me ultra sad. Luckily, both our parents live in South Carolina, so I'm hoping this isn't the last I'll see of her. I first met Merrillee at a dinner with this meet up group and I'm so thankful for her sweet friendship. She makes me laugh, teaches me about other places around the world, gives me someone to confide in and bounce ideas off of. She's one of the most thoughtful people I know, and when I say that, I mean she really thinks about things in a deep way. It's so interesting talking to her and hearing her opinions about things because she's traveled the whole world and she usually doesn't say something unless she's really thought it through. But she's a great listener too and it's flattering when she asks for my advice because I look up to her so much. She was raised mostly in America, but because she's lived in so many different places and her parents are from different countries, she's got a wide range of vocabulary and hearing her use endearing phrases like "multi-story car park" and "they really get on" and "quite dodgy" and "we once went to Spain on holiday" like it's nothing out of the ordinary makes me smile. We go on grand adventures together like rollerblading in the park, a weekend trip to the hot springs, or out to a jazz club or a dessert bar. But she's equally as happy to make a delicious meal together and watch TV, which is the kind of night we all know I'm always on board with. I hope each of you are lucky enough to have a friend like Merrillee.

I held Rosie and I've got the sticker to prove it!

2010-05-17T15:02:00.006-04:00

This weekend, in effort to cross some things off our Denver bucket list, Merrillee and I paid a visit to the Butterfly Pavilion. 2 fun facts: butterflies were originally called "flutterbys" and the Butterfly Pavilion does not only have butterflies. Enter Rosie, the tarantula.

I make it a practice to stay away from most menacing creatures that creep and crawl, but Merrillee was pretty gung ho about holding Rosie, so I thought I could be too. Plus I knew it would certainly make an awesome Facebook profile pic (see below). I could tell Rosie's keeper was a little wary of me holding her since it was obvious that I wasn't too sure about the whole endeavor myself. I wonder if arachnids can smell fear. The keeper gently placed Rosie in my palm and held my hands tightly, no doubt for fear I'd drop her immediately. [Side note: my dear friend, Jen the amateaur entomologist, tells me that if you were to drop a tarantula over 4 feet from the ground they would splatter to death.] In all actuality, it wasn't so scary. Rosie's legs felt like little pine needles on my skin and she crawled pretty quickly back to the keeper. She probably knew not to test my limits. At the end of my daring endeavor, Rosie's keeper even gave me a sticker with a picture of Rosie on it. As I made my way out of line in front of the all too eager 7 year olds behind me, I felt like a very accomplished adult.

List the Pets You'd Like to Have

2010-05-14T03:42:00.002-04:00

My parents deprived me of a dog growing up, though we did own an obese horny hermaphrodite rabbit for 10 years. My sister and I got sick of shim after just a few months so it was up to the parental units to keep him alive and well which they obviously did quite proficiently as most rabbits have a life span of only 5 years. You can bet your bottom dollar that my kids' lives will be enriched by some breed of pet, though it likely won't be any of the ones listed below.

Scuttle from The Little Mermaid He may not be the brightest crayon in the box (Remember when he told Ariel a fork was called a dinglehopper?) but he sure knows how to lead a coup.
Toto from The Wizard of Oz Whatever's good enough for Dorothy is good enough for me. Plus he was adorable, cuddly, tolerant, and loyal. What more do you want in a girl's best friend?
Jiminy Cricket from Pinocchio If he got annoying as my conscience, I'd just squash him like a bug.
Dory from Finding Nemo A low maintenance pet with short term memory loss and the humor of Ellen DeGeneres? Sign me up.
M'ling from The Island of Dr. Moreau A vivisected dog-man that can talk provides company and protection on a deserted island... for a while at least.
Vincent from LOST He's there when you need him and gone when you don't. Plus he probably knows a lot about the island mysteries but won't spill any secrets like that dog on the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.

List your weird talents

2010-05-13T06:16:00.000-04:00

Not to brag but I can...

out hula-hoop any 2nd grader this side of the Mississippi.
touch my tongue to my elbow.
write in cursive backwards.
catch editing mistakes in movies and tv shows.
use my hands to whistle.

Night Court

2010-05-12T06:52:00.004-04:00

On Monday, I woke up super early to accompany my boss to court. It was practically nighttime when I rolled out of bed, or at least the sun thought so. It was my second time going to court and I was bouncing off the walls excited! I think it's so interesting to observe firsthand the way our justice systems works, and let me tell you, it ain't everything you see on Law & Order. In order to maintain client attorney privacy, I can't talk about our case specifically, but I will tell you some of the things I've observed about life in at court.

First of all, the courtroom is very busy. The judge definitely demands order, but that's really only for the case in front of him. At any given time you might see attorneys whispering to clients, court reporters typing, people playing games on their iPhones, translators translating, women knitting, babies crying, and people walking all about. It's really pretty distracting, which is why I suppose the judge wears an earpiece that's linked to the microphones the plaintiff and defendant speak into.

Second, like you see on TV, everyone has to arise when the judge walks into court which I think is pretty fun. He or she usually tells everyone to sit down while he's walking up to his own seat, but it stills seems very official. The judge commands a lot of respect.

Speaking of judges, they all seem to be no nonsense kind of people. Even if they are sympathetic to your case, you never know when they will turn from understanding to reprimanding. Most of the cases I've witnessed the judge has no problem calling people out on their mistakes, no matter whose side they are on, which I suppose makes them a good and fair judge. Judges have a lot of power to decide what's going to happen to you, so it's in your best interest to be respectful.

The court has high security. It seems like there is one police officer for every inmate that is brought into the court and the metal detectors you have to walk into are worse than at airports. I suppose with so many criminals in one place, it's better to play it safe rather than be sorry.

Court is very exciting! It's interesting to hear people's arguments and learn more about the case from their witnesses. As soon as one side has me convinced, the other side swoops in and paints a completely different picture. In my experience though, the litigation is laid out in a very respectful manner. Not a lot of yelling goes on like you see on television simply because the judge won't allow it.

Most cases are tried in public, so they're open to anyone to sit in on. If you get a chance and are interested in this kind of stuff, I highly encourage you to go down to your local court house on your lunch break sometime and see for yourself how cool our legal system is!

Babies, babies everywhere but not a cheek to pinch

2010-05-11T12:19:00.002-04:00

I saw the new documentary Babies last night with Stevie. The film follows four infants in different parts of the globe as they grow and learn through their first year of life. I must say it was adorable, but I began to realize that pretty much all babies are the same, no matter if they live in Mongolia, Japan, the US, or Namibia. If you want to save yourself $10, and perhaps even make $10, I suggest you enlist yourself as a baby-sitter. You'd probably get the same experience. The movie was the perfect length because just when I was getting bored, it ended. As most documentaries are "educational" here's a list I compiled of the things I learned from last night's little tykes:

Every baby from here to Mongolia owns a Rody.
Sibling rivalry exists everywhere, but it's pretty funny when your 3 year old brother wheels you out in the middle of a cow pasture in your stroller and leaves you there.
Babies aren't fooled by fancy toy cell phones. They know the real thing when they see it and they want to play with only that.
They sing the "Happy Birthday" song in English around the world.
If you can't hire a baby-sitter, just tie your kid to the bed.
Animals can withstand a lot. Kittens being dragged across the floor by their necks, sheep being stepped on, dogs being french kissed. They can take it.
Babies don't need their pacifiers boiled and their toys lysoled. They will survive chewing on sticks, sucking on cow fat, drinking from the river and playing tonsil hockey with dogs.
Unrolling toilet paper is a universal favorite pastime.
If you trust a baby to do it, he can learn something pretty quickly. In other words, quit babying him.

Each tiny chublett was pretty cute in his or her own way and it definitely made me miss the former babies in my own life.

In similar news, I'll be seeing most of those babies pretty soon and some of them aren't babies anymore. I'm headed home to the dirty South at the end of May for a quick visit with the fam and to meet the newest addition to Ashton-Laurence clan: Baby Claire. I won't stay away too long because I've decided to pack my bags and head home around the middle of June so that I can go up to Clemson for the summer and do a whole bunch of baby-sitting. Perhaps I'll earn that $10 back. Can't wait!

Relax?! I don't know how to relax!

2010-05-10T12:52:00.008-04:00

On Saturday I went over to Mt. Princeton with a couple girlfriends for a relaxing weekend at the hot springs. It took only three hours to get there and we passed some of the most gorgeous Colorado scenery on the way. The mountains truly seemed like something out of a story book.

Merrillee, Emily, and I drove up earlier than Lila and Alex, and when we arrived, we checked into our room and hit the springs immediately. They had two pools (which were really more like giant hot tubs) a steam room (that I didn't last long in), and the river bed. We splashed around in the pools first before Lila and Alex arrived and we all trekked down to the river. We had to do a little climbing to get down to the water, and I ended up with a few bruises and a skinned knee, but once we got down there it was totally worth it. The water was a bit chilly but the sand was hot and if you moved some rocks around, you could find a warm spot. Either that or one of my friends couldn't hold it until we got back to the hotel room.

We sat in the river for a while and read our books before deciding to head back up to the much warmer pools. The air was a bit nippy but the water felt great. In fact, we decided that we wouldn't want to come when it was any warmer. It probably wouldn't be very refreshing, just hot and sticky.

After a while, we got bored and ventured to the nearest town, if you can call a Subway and a gas station a town, for dinner. We stumbled upon a cute restaurant that advertised itself as the hippest watering hole around. We decided to give it a try and we were not disappointed! Not only was the eatery attached to a very cool thrift store, they served us wine in a can, had gluten free menu options, and let us play Trivial Pursuit during supper.

After ice cream for dessert, the five of us went back to the hotel and had a very girly sleepover. We drank wine, painted each other's nails, and watched Toddlers and Tiaras as well as the Betty White episode of Saturday Night Live. Those hot springs must have worn me out because I fell asleep halfway through Weekend Update.

The next morning, we suited up and headed back down to the pools. We took a dip and then laid out. The original plan wasn't to leave until 5pm, but by 10:30am, we were all anxious to get back to Denver. We joked that we were so busy and used to multi-tasking, that we'd forgotten how to relax! So, we packed up our cars and headed home.

It was wonderful to spend some uninterrupted time with some of my very best Denver friends and to get to explore a bit of Colorado's beautiful scenery before I pack up and head out of town in a month. I'm very thankful for the time I've spent here and the friends I've made.

List your quirks

2010-05-07T18:09:00.005-04:00

Most of these things would probably qualify me for a diagnosis of acute OCD, but here goes. I bear my soul to you nonetheless.

Spelling words over and over again in my head. This is so weird, I know. I just pick random words out of conversation or paragaphs that I'm reading and spell them for hours. Sometimes I won't even realize I'm doing it and have to stop and think where I heard the word I'm spelling. This habit does make me an excellent speller though.
Typing what people say. If I'm sitting in a place where I can put my hands under the table, I'll often type out the conversation I'm having. That's how I got to do 79 WAM baby.
Needing to have the volume on an even number. If the television is set to 17 or 23, I can't handle it. It makes my skin crawl. I will literally walk out of the room.
Checking my e-mail compulsively. I always have my gmail open on my computer and probably check it about 150 times a day. Less on weekends.
Being restless. Perhaps I also have a case of mild ADD because I'm always tapping my foot or shaking my leg. This isn't why I do it, but I once read somewhere that constant movement burns a lot of calories. Maybe that's why I'm so skinny...
Liking it to be cold rather than hot. I'd so much rather cuddle up under the covers and be freezing than be clammy and uncomfortable. You can always add layers but you can only take so much off.

Too Attached; or, How Sayid Saved me from a Speeding Ticket

2010-05-04T23:26:00.009-04:00

It may be time to put down the remote and back away from the TV. Tonight's episode of LOST was epic and epically tragic. Good thing there are only 4 episodes left because my nerves can't take much more of this. I'm going to have to be on suicide watch by the time this is all over.

Sun, Jin, and Sayid? Oh Darlton! What are you doing to me? Needless to say I was an emotional wreck by the end of tonight's episode, "The Candidate." The waterworks started about 15 minutes before the end and they didn't stop on the drive home. I wept heavily as I trekked the 10 miles between my house and Shawn's, my Denver LOST buddy. I tried to call friends for support, but almost everyone let me down. Stupid people and their damn DVRs. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I cursed my sister for not being there for me in my time of need. That's when I saw blue and red flashing lights in my rear view mirror.

I pulled over and tried to compose myself while I waited for the policeman to approach. He stepped up to my window and said, "Good evening ma'am. Do you know what the speed limit is on this road?"

"I'm sorry but I'm not sure," I whimpered.

It was at this time that he noticed that I was visibly upset. I think the puffy eyes and running mascara tipped him off.

"Um, miss? Is everything alright?" he asked.

"No, officer. Everything is not alright." I sniffled. "I just got finished watching LOST and Jin, Sun, and Sayid died tonight!"

He nodded his head and gave my hand a comforting pat. "I understand," he said. "My wife is real into that show too."

In the end, he let me off with a warning and I carefully drove the rest of the way to the comfort of a warm bed, a very understanding roommate and a pint of mint chocolate cookie ice cream. I'm contemplating calling in sick tomorrow due to a broken heart.

RIP Sun, Jin, and Sayid. You will forever live on in our hearts... and possibly in the sideways world. We'll see.

List your Favorite Embarrassing Movies

2010-05-04T10:45:00.002-04:00

Madeline Maybe it's because I always wanted to be a straw hat wearing orphan who lived in an old house in Paris that was covered in vines with 11 other girls, but I just can't resist that mischevous, redheaded Madeline.
Mary Kate and Ashley Party Videos Takes me back to my childhood. With lyrics like "We're gonna make a master-piece a pizza. A work of art like the Mona Lisa. It's gonna be high like the Tower of Pisa. But to get there, you don't need a visa" how could you not have a good time?
The Princess Diaries Anne Hathaway as a nerdy teenager turned princess? Yes please.
The Little Mermaid She's always been my favorite Disney princess. Maybe I've got a thing for gingers...
The Little Princess Or princesses...

Who Let the Dogs Out?

2010-05-03T11:56:00.009-04:00

I'm definitely a dog person. Actually, I'm an all kinds of animals person. Furry woodland creatures flock to me like I'm Snow White reincarnated. I like to think it has something to do with my radiating goodness.

My parents deprived me of man's best friend when I was growing up, so I've never had a dog of my own. That hasn't stopped me from doing my fair share of pet sitting over the years, which I've found actually temporarily quells my want of a canine companion. So, what did I do this weekend, you ask? Sat on some dogs.

Zeke and Desi are a pair of cute as can be Boxers who need a lot of attention, especially Zeke. They're both a bit slobbery and sometimes don't know their own strength. I've got the scratches and bruises to prove it. Nevertheless, they are both cuddly and lovable to a fault and when they are chilled out, I enjoy them the absolute most. However, they've got a very mischievous side. Case and point: Sunday afternoon.

I decided I wanted to try out this new recipe for sweet potato pancakes, so I ran out to the store to buy some candied yams. Rebecca, the dog's owner, had warned me several times not to leave anything out on the counter that I didn't want gone when I came back. I saw the full, unopened bag of whole wheat flour sitting on the kitchen table when I walked out the door, but thought it was safe. After all, who wants to snack on flour?! Apparently the answer is Zeke and Desi.

When I returned from the store, starving I might add, I was greeted by two white dogs. Strange, since I had left two brown ones. I walked into the house to see it absolutely covered in white powder like an antrax scare. It was everywhere, and I mean everwhere! On the dogs, on the floor, in the carpet, all over the table and couch, even on the window sills. The two culprits knew they were in big trouble as evidenced by Zeke's loss of bladder control when I started yelling and his refusal to come within a quarter mile of me. Desi was just as guilty, but I just knew Zeke was the instigator of the Great Flour Operation.

It took me a good hour to get the house back in order while the dogs were banished to the backyard. When I finally let them back in, Zeke timidly came up to me and licked my hand as a sign of apology. It was too sweet and so I of course forgave the two partners in crime immediately. So just like with babies, my experiences dog sitting reitterates the fact that I one day want one, but don't want one anytime soon.

Update 5/31/10: I recently learned about this great site called Shit My Pets Ruined. I only wish I had the foresight to take a picture of this debacle before I cleaned it up. Zeke's and Desi's handiwork could have been made famous.

Trying to Wrap my Head Around It

2010-04-29T14:56:00.008-04:00

This post is pretty much word vomit. I've been rereading Daniel Quinn's Ishmael, which I first read about 5 years ago. I don't think I really understood it then, but I'm getting a lot out of it this go around. If you're looking for something thought provoking to sink your teeth into, this is it. Though a bit too obvious at times for my taste, it's a quick read and environmentalist will probably love it. It's basically about a gorilla, Ishmael, who puts an advertisement in the newspaper for a pupil who wants to save the world. A man responds and their dialogue begins. Kind of a reverse Curious George motif going on.

I've been chewing over the last passage I read and I can't stop thinking about it, so I thought I'd write about it. To bring you up to speed, Ishmael tells the man that there are two kinds of people: Takers and Leavers and that both have been enacting a certain story for thousands of years. The problem is that the Takers (who could also be called members of the industrialized world) have been enacting a story that will very soon lead to their demise. In this certain section, he discusses overpopulation and how the Takers enable it, in a sense, which just makes the problem bigger and bigger.

Take a look at the following passage.

"As long as you are enacting this story, you will go on answering famine with increased food production. You've seen the ads for sending food to starving peoples around the world?"

"Yes."

"Have you ever seen ads for sending contraceptives?"

"No."

"Never. Mother Culture talks out of both sides of her mouth on this issue. When you say to her population explosion she replies global population control, but when you say to her famine she replies increased food production. But as it happens, increased food production is an annual event and global population control is an event that never happens at all."

He makes several good points: First, and this is a theme that plays throughout the novel, is that for some reason humans have come to believe that we are exempt from the laws of the universe. We have deemed ourselves "special" and therefore the world's divinely appointed ruler. We have taken on a responsibility to solve the problems that really, we ourselves are creating. Does this apply to any other species we see? No.

In the wild, population is controlled in many ways. This is where my high school biology comes into play. If I'm remembering correctly, population is kept in check for many reasons: predation, natural disasters, competition, migration. Almost none of those things apply to us as humans, or rather we have made it so that they don't apply to us.

How does this apply in a practical sense? Well, we could stop having babies, but even as I type that I have a certain us vs. them mentality. I'm really thinking "they could stop having babies." I for one definitely want to have children of my own. Why do I exempt myself? I recognize overpopulation as a real problem, yet the one solution I've identified I don't want to have anything to do with. I think it's because, and though I hate to say it, deep down I see myself as somehow loftier than others, exempt from the rules. According to Ishmael, this makes me "human" or rather, I've been bred to enact the story that tells me so. That's a hard thing to admit.

I also think of overpopulation as a problem in other faraway countries: Africa, China, etc. Thinking about it this way makes it "their" problem, not "mine." But it is my problem. Or I want it to be. Ishmael would say I've learned nothing by wanting to solve the problem. I should just let nature take its course and the "problem" will solve itself. Personally, as a proactive doer, that's another tough pill to swallow.

I had a conversation with my friend, Chris, the other night over drinks about the AIDS epidemic in Africa. I was telling him some funny anecdotes of the crazy, uneducated theories the people there have according to Sam, who experiences it first hand. In a sobering moment, Chris, talked about how AIDS was a horrible horrible disease, but it's pretty much the only thing keeping the population in check over there right now. I think Ishmael would say that's nature running its course.

So, I'm still thinking about this and I don't know if there can be a solution. Every human life is precious, but then again, isn't all life precious? I'm not advocating suicide or mass murder to quell our overpopulation problems. I do know one thing, however. Human's attitude that the world was made for our enjoyment and to rule over must be the first thing to change.

Wow. Talk about over analyzing. Do I miss being an English major much or what?

Mama Hated Diesels but you sure won't!

2010-04-28T13:38:00.002-04:00

Last night, Lila and I went to see the Denver Center Theatre Company's "Mama Hated Diesels." Lila won free tickets a few weeks ago and as I am certainly the biggest theatre lover she knows, I was her natural choice of date. And boy am I glad as this show was absolutely fantastic!

The show is a conglomeration of real interviews intertwined with some of the most beautiful and fun blue grass music I've ever heard. The band was absolutely phenomenal and the music flowed nicely throughout the show. They covered Del Reeves' "Looking at the World Through a Windshield" and Merle Haggard's "White Line Fever" as well as some lesser known ditties that still had me tapping my feet. Each piece wove together captivating narration that ranged from hysterical vignettes about running over alligators down on the Florida interstate and fending off "ladies of the night" to get some much needed shut eye to more sobering tales of bad weather, prejudice, crashes and long-distance relationships.

I honestly don't think I've ever seen such a perfectly cast show. Each actor played his or her character with a fierce determination and heart. Notable performances include Mike Hartman and Charles Weldon as Truckers and Jan Leslie Harding as Wife, but each actor brought something uniquely necessary and memorable to the stage. The cast was small but their chemistry with one another abounded throughout the theatre immediately and never let up a second until each audience member was on his feet with a well deserved standing ovation.

I like to think of myself as a pretty open minded and tolerant person, but after seeing this show, I realized that I still have some pretty big prejudices. One being truck drivers. The only time I ever really think about the men and women of our country who haul goods down the open road for a living is when I'm annoyed by them, but as one character poignantly stated in the show last night, "I sure do like my fresh fruits and vegetables for Sunday brunch." I, like many others, internalize a stereotype of truckers as uneducated, poor and sometimes dangerous rednecks. I hardly ever even think about where my bananas, iPod, or sweat pants come from, which may extend beyond the message of last night's theme to other scorned players in our economical structure like farmers, manufacturers and Mother Nature. But by the end of the hour and fifteen minute play, I had a renewed sense of respect and appreciation for this particular brand of American hero.

Underneath the setted highway signs and screens projecting some of our country's most breathtaking landmarks, I lost myself in each person's story. Next time I see a big rig out on the highway, I'll be sure to make a little extra room and send out good thoughts instead of rolling my eyes in disgust.

"Mama Hated Diesels" is playing at the Denver Center until May 9. If you live in the area, check it out. You won't be disappointed!

Don't make me turn this car around!

2010-04-26T16:03:00.013-04:00

On Sunday Lila, Stevie, and I set out early on an impromptu-ish road trip to Wyoming. I say impromptu-ish because we wavered back and forth all week about whether or not we would actually go. With Lila and I 4 drinks down each at midnight on Saturday, it didn't seem likely the roadtip was going to happen. Nevertheless, we were up and raring to go by 9:45am, if not a bit hungover.

We didn't really have a destination, but Lila (who insisted we use a map instead of GPS - oh the horror!) picked Cheyenne for our first stop. We made it up to the capital in less than 2 1/2 hours, but since Cheyenne is so small, we passed it! Apparently, the city of Denver has a bigger population than the whole state of Wyoming, according to the helpful police officer we stopped and asked for directions. Still, it's hard to believe that there's a state capital that you can blink and miss.

We stopped in at Culiver's for lunch, did a bit of exploring and then took the scenic route home. Because Lila still insisted we only use the map, we got a little lost and ended up in the Wild West's version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre territory. Not to worry though. With a little help from the GPS (finally), a Disney inspired sing-a-long, lots of snacks and potty breaks, a photoshoot in the middle of a very deserted highway, snow flurries, and a stop in Buford (the nation's smallest town with a population of 1) we made it back to the Mile High City in one piece.

P.S. If you are keeping count, Wyoming brings my 50 states in 50 years count total to 32.

List Your Guilty Pleasures

2010-04-24T04:04:00.001-04:00

The Shoppe's cherry cheesecake cupcakes. I can't even tell you how many of these delights I've consumed since I first discovered this tasty cupcake mecca. Too many. The Shoppe's cupcakes are comparable to Spill The Bean's icecream. And that says a lot.
Cuddling. Whether it be with my mom, the dog, or the kids I baby-sit, I just love snuggling up all cozy like.
TV Marathons. I have been known to spend entire Saturdays on the couch in my PJs glued to 16 and Pregnant, Hoarders, Weeds, America's Next Top Model, etc. It's even better when there's someone to cuddle with.
Pop Culture Magazines. It doesn't matter if it's People, Us Weekly, or Ok! Deep down, I don't really care about Tiger Woods' affairs or Lilo's cocaine addiction, but for some reason I feel compelled to keep myself informed about what's going on in their lives. My vast knowledge of all things pop culture does come in handy on Tuesday trivia nights, however.
Pajama pants. I've toned down the addiction a bit in the past year, but I used to own more pairs of jammies than a 2 year old. It's just a quirk; if I'm at my house for more than 20 minutes, off come the jeans and on go the flannels.
Wikipedia. I know, I know. It's not a "real" source. But my inquisitive mind is always wanting more. If I don't know much about a certain topic, whether it be meerkats or The Saint Valetine's Day massacre of 1929, Wikipedia knows the answer and is happy to inform me. And that's why it is my best friend.
Pedicures. How could I forget pedicures?! (Thanks to Jen for the reminder.) I used to be extremely freaked out by other people touching my feet. Now, what I wouldn't give to have my little tootsies pampered each and every week. Unfortunately, my budget only allows a splurge of this nature every few months, but when it does I'm in heaven!

Why yes, I do suffer from Liz Lemon Identification Syndrome

2010-04-23T01:22:00.005-04:00

On last night's episode of 30 Rock (which ROCKED) Liz Lemon described my future husband, Brain Surgeon Mark Dixon:

I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals but knows to just shut his mouth when I'm watching "Lost." And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me even when I'm old. And that's what I want.

If this means I'm going to end up a New York third-wave feminist, college-educated, single-and-pretending-to-be-happy-about-it, overscheduled, undersexed, will buy any magazine that says 'healthy body image' on the cover and every two years takes up knitting for a week... so be it.

Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart!

2010-04-22T11:36:00.003-04:00

On this most glorious of Earth Days, I've done a little reminiscing. If I were in SC right now, I'd like to think I would be wearing flip flops and taking a stroll through Clemson's gorgeous botanical gardens. In all actuality, I'd probably be holed up indoors, doped up on Benadryl with a box of used tissues by my side. In Denver, I'm learning the true meaning of the saying "April showers bring May flowers." It rains all morning and then the sun pokes its head through the clouds around 4pm or so. Daffodils and pansies are beginning to pop up around my neighborhood and the trees have become the most luscious shade of green and it's not quite May yet!

On Sunday, some friends and I had a pot luck picnic at Wash Park. No drizzle that day, just sunny skies and gentle breezes. We drank beer (well, those of us who drink beer, drank beer. I had H2O out of my shiny new New York Law School water bottle), laid barefoot on the grass, played Frisbee, roller bladed, laughed, listened to music and ate good food. It was the perfect way to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon, and it was all thanks to our generous host, Mother Nature.

I'm wishing for many more days just like Sunday but in order to have them, we must all do our part to keep the planet thriving. So today and every day, turn off your lights and open the blinds. Plant a tree. Read Daniel Quinn's Ishmael. Wear your jeans more than once and line dry when you wash. Ride your bike to work and then take the stairs. Take a 4 minute shower. Reuse your water bottle. Go to the library. Read the newspaper online.

Do it for me and my lazy Sunday afternoons.

Mostly Shameless Plug

2010-04-21T11:41:00.001-04:00

Hello all you folks out there in bloggerville. Do you know what would be make really GLEEful today? If you headed on over here and gave my little sister a gold star for her efforts! Who knows. Maybe one day you'll see her on Glee!

List Your Favorite Gifts Ever Received

2010-04-15T06:15:00.000-04:00

For my combined Christmas/birthday gift (don't you just love being a December baby?) my parents got me tickets to see my first ever perfomance of Wicked in Atlanta
Jane painted coaster for me that resides on my bedside table
Another Christmas, my parents gave me 4 framed maps of imaginary places including Wonderland, Oz, Utopia, and Narnia
My twin next door neighbors went through their stash of hair ties and picked out all the orange ones for Clemson, wrapped them up, and gave them to me as a graduation gift
I'd pretty much stolen it anyway, but my mom finally officially gave me a favorite blanket from our house that my aunt made when I was in high school

IDK My BFF Ashley

2010-04-13T11:57:00.014-04:00

Today, I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane and tell you a little about my childhood, specifically the parts of my childhood that included one very special Miss Ashley Smith, which is a significant portion. We two were literally (okay, not literally but about as metaphorically as you can get) attached at the hip. From first grade on, we were BFFs, friends to the end, amigas for life, etc. etc. Below are just a couple fun stories from our former days.

Ah, middle school. A time I fondly refer as the "lost years." Was anyone out there not so awkward that they desperately try to forget the jean overalls from Limited Too, the hot pink and green covered braces, the poorly cut bangs, and the gigantic pimples? The cool thing to do when I was in 6th grade was to get a second hole in your ears. I'm not talking about a second ear pierced; I'm saying everybody who was anybody was getting another earring put in above their first punctured lobes. If your parents were really hip, they'd let you get your cartilage pierced, which gave you an almost high school level coolness factor. Ashley and I begged our parents for months to let us get a second hole and one day they finally agreed. We saved up our money and made the trip to Claire's Boutique together, helping one another pick out the perfect starter studs. I didn't want mine to be too noticeable so I chose very tiny cubic zirconium earrings. The deed was done and we went home for a celebratory sleepover. Looking back, I'm not sure why I wanted to get my ears pierced so badly, aside from the fact that I desperately wanted to fit in. In fact, I hardly ever wore earrings in my original holes, a tradition that carries on even today. Anyway, we probably made 50 trips to the bathroom that night each, just to admire our new accessories. When we finally went to bed, I tossed and turned all night long. My ears were so sensitive that I couldn't figure out a way to lay my head that didn't hurt. The next morning, there was blood all over my pillow and I woke up crying. Miss Dawn, Ashley's mom, rushed into the room and took one look at my now highly infected ears before she grabbed the first aid kit. Turns out, the studs I'd chosen were too small and had not only infected my ears, but pushed through backwards allowing a layer of crust and skin to accrue during the night. Ashley held my hand as Miss Dawn used a needle and nail clippers to extract the dazzling pebbles from the sides of my head. Don't believe me? I still have the scars to prove it.

Growing up, my parents always had a big neighborhood 4th of July party, which I looked forward to with great anticipation each year. The one letdown was that the Smiths were never in attendance as they usually went to the beach or mountains for Independence Day. One year, they decided to stay home and I couldn't have been more excited! Imagine my disappointment when just two days before the big day, some family friends called and invited them to the Highlands to celebrate. As a willful and creative tween, I was having none of that. I did the only thing I could think of. I recruited Ashley and her sister Caitlin to stage a sit in with me. We locked ourselves in the bathroom with posters labeled "Independence is what our forefathers fought for. We won't go!" and chanted "Highlands, the Dielands" for several hours until Miss Dawn got really mad. I may have been a smart alec, but I usually knew when it was time to quit.

As aforementioned, I was a pretty creative kid. Sure, we played our share of Mario Kart and riding bikes, but we also came up with some pretty fun games using only our imagination. My cousin willed to me this very puffy white jacket one winter and one a particularly boring day, Ashley, Caitlin, Claire and I pulled it out of the closet and invented a superhero game called Marshmallow Woman. Being the bossy child I was and justifying it with the fact that it was my jacket, I of course gave myself the starring role, and the other three girls were my sidekicks. Our arch nemesis? The Smith's sweet mutt Perdy, whom we dubbed Evil Villain and chased around the house. The only way to escape the clutches of this mysterious mastermind, whose lair was under the bed where she hid from our rambunctuous antics was to slide down the Rainbow of Everlasting Goodness (aka the stairs) protected by invisible cocoons (aka sleeping bags). What fun!

I'm not sure why because we aren't an outdoorsy family, but one summer my parents invested in a tent. The only place I ever camped was the backyard and that the exact setting for my next vignette. One night Ashley and I packed up our flashlights and sleeping bags and trekked out to the part of the lawn furthest from the house. It was typical sleepover mode - sharing secrets, painting nails, ghost stores. The best part was that we felt so independent. Even though my house was only 15 yards away, to our elementary minds, we were out in the middle of the woods, utterly alone. We finally fell asleep but awoke in the early hours of the morning to crashing thunder, blinding lightening, and an all out downpour! We huddled together, as scared as can be, not sure if we should stay put or try to make it to the safety of the house. Just as in a horror film, we soon saw a ghastly silhouette slowly approaching our tent. We both screamed bloody murder until my father opened up the tent yelling over our screams to come with him inside. We were so soaked and so exhausted from our fright that we fell asleep in the hallway.

Lastly a story that Ashley might not appreciate so much, but it's too funny for me not to tell. My mom was big into sex education. We had the books, the movies, several birds and bees talks, the works. So long before Aunt Flo visited me for the first time, I knew all about the menstruation cycle. I'm fairly sure Ash was in the same boat. However, that kind of life change is still scary for a pre-teen. One day, Ashley went home sick from school, which of course I knew about since we carpooled. I called her immediately when I got home, anxious to see how she was feeling. She sobbed into the phone that she had started her period and that it was completely embarrassing and totally awful. I was extremely curious, since I hadn't started mine, a little jealous, and just not quite sure what to say. We hung up the phone and I immediately reported the news to my mother. Through all her preparation, I don't think she knew exactly how to counsel me in what to say to my freaked out friend. Of course, the news launched into a loooooong conversation about our changing bodies and some not so sound advice. I called Ashley back later that night, who still seemed a bit traumatized. I proudly and supportively told her the advice my mother had bestowed upon me earlier that afternoon. "Don't worry, Ash. This just means that now God thinks you're ready to be a mother," to which she sobbed even harder.

Something brought you to my mind today
I thought about the funny ways
you make me laugh
And yet I feel like it's ok to cry with you
--Watermark

Weekend Update with Seth Meyer and Tina Fey

2010-04-12T16:25:00.021-04:00

Well, not really. It's just me, Rachel Sparks. But you knew that. Although if you haven't yet, I highly encourage you to check out SNL's Weekend Update from this past Saturday as it was freakin' hilarious!

But back to me. As you know, this weekend I was in the greatest city on Earth, none other than New York (concrete jungle where dreams are made of...)! We had the most fun time and it was totally action packed. I flew in Thursday evening and Marques was nice enough to pick me up from the airport, which turned out to be a bigger deal than he signed on for as it took us nearly an hour to find one another at LaGuardia. Note to self: try to only fly into JFK from now on. We got to Manhattan in record time and ate dinner at Junior's and then met up with Stephanie, Allison, and Cole for "American Idiot." It was a really good show, especially for those who like Green Day. The music was rockin' and the sets were awesome. Surprisingly, there wasn't must dialogue at all, just one song after another, but that was okay. All in all, it just wasn't my favorite but I wouldn't be super surprised if it got a Tony nod this summer.

Friday morning I got up way too early (5am Denver time) and braved the drizzle to New York Law School. I had such a great time at the open house. I got to sit in on a class (and actually participated playing the defense on a case about vehicles driving through a fictional city park), talk to a financial aid counselor (definitely key), had lunch with some professors, chatted with some current students, and took a tour of the law school. It made me so so so excited about this fall! I can't wait for school to start! They even gave me a super cool tote bag with NYLS printed on it for me to sport around town.

After my long day of touring, talking, and pretending to be a law student, I met back up with Steph, Allison, and Cole. We got all dolled up and headed out to meet up with some of Allison's friends at Vynl, which is a really neat restuarant in Hell's Kitchen. The food is delicious but the bathrooms are even cooler. I'll let you find out what I mean on your own...

Dinner was over and it was time to go to the theatre to see the Encore's production of "Anyone Can Whistle" starring Sutton Foster (my current Broadway favie), Donna Murphy, and Raul Esparza. We were pretty disappointed in our seats but thankful that Allison came through and remembered her binoculars. Stephanie and I even caught a glimpse of Cynthia Nixon in the audience, which was exciting. The show was spectacular!!! The actors were on book, but after the first five minutes, I didn't even notice anymore. Donna Murphy stole the show as the ruthless mayoress, Cora Hoover Hooper and Sutton Foster dazzled us all as usual with her comedic timing and angelic vocals. This was by far my favorite of all the shows we saw this weekend. After it was over, we rushed to the stage door and got autographs and pictures with the cast. The most exciting, of course, was Sutton who even chatted with me for a few minutes about LOST. Best. Day. Ever.

Next we headed downtown to the famous Upright Citizens Brigade theatre to see some standup. No big names this time, but the comedians were pretty funny! I made Cole carry me halfway there because my shoes gave me hella blisters and I couldn't take one more step. It was just like the episode of Friends where Monica buys the boots and then Chandler carries her home. Cole, you are my Chandler! By the time we got back to our hotel room around 3am, I was exhausted and ready for some much welcomed zzz's.

Saturday morning we slept in a bit and then headed out in search of bagels and H&M. We did, however, make a pit stop at the NY Public Library where Allison and I reinacted the scene from SATC: The Movie where Big leaves Carrie stranded at the alter. I played Carrie, of course, and not to brag, but I think my performance was Oscar worthy. We did some shopping where I contained myself but did splurge on a uber adorable dress. I justified the purchase by telling myself I could also wear it to work. One of the biggest disappointments about moving to Denver was the lack of H&M. When we discovered we were short on time, we rushed over to the Richard Rogers Theatre for the matinee of "In the Heights." I was excited because this show won the 2008 Tony for Best Musical. I wasn't disappointed, per se, but it definitely won't go down in history as one of my favorite Broadway shows. Corbin Bleu however, who played the title role of Usnavi, was top notch.

After the show, we met up with Marques and ate dinner in Times Square. Our table was a conglomeration of Thanksgiving dinner gone awry. By the time we were done, it looked as though someone had reguritated breakfast, lunch, dinner, and midnight snack onto our table. The grape jelly tasted like children's benadryll, they inexplicably brought us copious amounts of toast, and we definitely paid way too much for the quality of the food, but hey, it was Times Square.

Our Big Apple vacay was coming to a close but we had one last show and we had all been looking forward to this one the most. Why? Because, somehow Stephanie had worked her magic and gotten us front row center tickets (for the price of balcony) for the revival of "Promises, Promises!" Sean Hayes (Will and Grace's Jack McFarland) totally stole the show. That man can sing! Of course, I kept waiting for him to do his signature "Just Jack" move and bump bellies with Karen Walker throughout the whole production, but he was fabulous nonetheless. Kristin Chenoweth, an old Broadway favorite, was excellent as well. I think we all agreed that this show was one of the absolute best.

The next day I had the earliest flight out and headed to LGA soon after breakfast. I was sad to leave the city I've so fallen in love with and the friends I always have such a great time with, but am excited to be back soon and this time for good. As the t-shirt says, I cardiovascular organ NY.

Start spreading the news...

2010-04-07T17:14:00.003-04:00

I'm leaving today! Well, actually tomorrow at the buttcrack of dawn. It's been a fun week in Denver because my parents have been in town, but I am way happy to be headed to the greatest city on Earth this weekend!

As you must know by now, I am a huge Broadway buff and this trip promises not to disappoint. It will be filled with friends I haven't seen in too long, new friends that I'm excited to meet, delicious food, exciting city adventures, and four (count them, four) new shows to take in! Luckily, we bought tickets months ago so I'm not necessarily draining my current bank account. I'll be sure to blog my reviews next week.

I'm also uber excited to visit the law school I'll be attending in the fall. I can't wait to check out the atmosphere, interact with other incoming 1Ls, meet some professors and talk to a financial aid counselor.

As Daddy Warbucks likes to sing, "NYC, I go years without you. Then I can't get enough."

All Grown Up

2010-04-05T18:17:00.002-04:00

Saturday night made me feel like an honest to goodness grown up. After a grueling day of baby-sitting and running errands, Jess and I got all dolled up and hit the town. We went to a swanky bar called Interstate (I was a bit taken aback when Jess suggested we down a couple shots at the interstate, but then again, it's nothing I haven't done before. Kidding! Just kidding!) and had a long chat about life and love over my amaretto sour and her mojito. Afterwards, we moseyed on over to The Habitat art gallery on Santa Fe for a private CD release party for The Foot. It was all so...adultish. There was cheese and a fruit tray. People stood around in groups wearing high heels and blazers. The only element that betrayed our real adulthood were the red solo cups filled with Chardonnay. We laughed and looked at art and conversed until the CD had played over too many times to count.

And like a real live grown up, I was in bed and counting sheep by 11pm. Oh, what a life!

The Best Easter Present Ever

2010-04-02T13:30:00.005-04:00

Remember that little cousin of mine I was telling you about that one time? Well, she's grown up a bit since the last time we saw one another but she's only gotten more adorable by the day. Luckily her mother documents for those of us not as fortunate to have the real thing on Facebook. Yesterday I came home to find a package waiting at my door. When I opened it I discovered an 8X10 framed photograph of this:

I mean, does it get any cuter?? You can rest assured that this pic will be proudly displayed on my mantle for years to come.

SFS

2010-04-01T14:03:00.001-04:00

Shoes for Samantha now has a website where you can find out more information and make a donation. Follow us at shoesforsamantha.blogspot.com. or e-mail us at shoesforsamantha@gmail.com.

List Things You Appreciate About the South

2010-03-30T11:31:00.005-04:00

I know, I know. Three lists in a row is a bit taboo but this is an important one. For the later part of my life, all I wanted to do with get out of the South. With their slow pace, disgusting sweet tea, and political close mindedness, I needed to get as far away as possible for fear of brain-washing and/or suffocation.

Now that I have moved out and moved on, I have begun to truly appreciate the South in all its glory. There's a lot to love and and a lot to miss so as is my way, I thought I'd put it together for you in a nice list.

The accents A friend listened to my dad talking on a voicemail the other day and thought his accent was the most adorable thing she'd ever heard. She immediately demanded to know why I didn't display a similar Southern Belle-like charm throughout my auditory speech patterns. I guess I've phased it out, but I do admit there is a sort of charm and familiarity to the Southern accent that I sometimes long for. And I've really never had a problem with the word "ya'll." It does roll of the tongue quite nicely, doesn't it?
Thunderstorms I've got my share of snow and sunny skies here in Denver but lately I've really been wanting a good storm. There's something inexplicably peaceful and nostalgic about curling up under the covers with a good book or movie while the thunder bellows, the lightning flashes, and the rain pelts on your window outside.
The beach Mountains are nice but I feel a bit clausterphobic here out west. Even though I didn't take nearly as much advantage of the beach in the past five or so years as I should have, what I wouldn't give now for the comfort of the sand between my toes, the salty water in my mouth and the roar of the ocean waves in my ears. Just knowing it's closer than 2000 miles away would make me feel better.
The hospitality Lila, a fellow Southerner, and I were amused by a Jen's extreme gratitude over taking care of her after she recovered from surgery a few weeks ago. We slept over in case she needed something in the middle of the night, took her dog on walks, brought over dinner, picked up her medicines. I suppose that's going above and beyond the call of duty but it never occured to me to do otherwise. That's a profoundly Southern characteristic and I'm glad it's been instilled in me.
The food Two words: boiled peanuts.

"Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave and grow old wanting to get back to." -- John Ed Pearce.

List Things You Love About Your Dad

2010-03-27T05:47:00.002-04:00

His laugh. When my dad thinks something's funny he goes into this high pitched giggle, which my sister has adorably inherited. Whenever I hear it, there's no holding back the smile that comes to my face.
He's good at apologizing. Which is something I should learn from him. No matter how big the fight during my teenage years, he'd always come to my room and apologize for his part in it, even if I wasn't ready to do the same.
His love for old TV shows. I roll my eyes everytime he tries to talk me into another episode of Leave It To Beaver (Gee Dad!) or The Lone Ranger but the enjoyment he gets out of his shows is charming. And how bad can they be? He's a super Seinfeld fanatic after all.
He's sentimental and nostalgic. My grandparents' attic is full of awesome old toys from his childhood. Thanks to Daddy, I knew what branch of the military Major Healey was in for trivia. He can tell the best Brer Rabbit stories around. And when he dies, I'm going to make a fortune selling all his old comic books.
He's proud of me. Most of the time, my dad cared more about the awards I won at school than I did. He's kept every one from "Best Back Handspring" at gymnastics to "First Place Spelling Bee" in 7th grade to my Phi Beta Kappa certificate at Clemson in a semi-embarrassing shrine in our living room.
He sacrifices. He works something crazy like 65 hours a week. He let me borrow his car all through high school, even when it was inconvenient. He lets my mom put meat in the spaghetti sauce when I'm home. He does my laundry and my dishes when I visit. And most recently, during my phone fiasco, he traveled back and forth to the Altell store several times getting different phones reprogrammed when I lost and then found mine.

List Things You Love About Your Mom

2010-03-26T17:27:00.006-04:00

She's the most thoughtful person I know. My mom is always thinking of others. She never fails to send me a card (even on the most random of holidays. Who knew they even made a card for February 9th's Read in the Bathtub Day?). If she's out shopping and see something that reminds her of you, she's sure to get it. She's always ready with casseroles and cookies for neighbors in need. Perhaps it's her Southern charm but I like to think it's just her.
She gives good advice. Most of the time. Even when I don't think I need it. Even better, she sincerely asks for mine.
She's festive. Maybe it's her love of holidays but our house was always decorated cutesy tootsey growing up. Now that I live so far away I miss out on Autumn and Spring decorations, but I still enjoy the most important ones like Christmas and Fourth of July.
She's patient. Lord knows this woman deserves a special place in heaven for putting up with all my bratty shenanigans growing up. Whether she was dealing with a tantrum, teaching me how to sew, or patching up a skinned knee, she always did it with the most tolerant of attitudes.
She's a bit aloof and slightly paranoid. Usually she doesn't get the joke, especially if it's being made at her expense by my sister or me and she's easily freaked out by stranger danger and cabbage recalls but it's endearing nonetheless.
She accommodates to my tastes. Not all moms would makes special corn muffins minus the corn, special sections of the sweet potato souffle without the pecans, and special portions of the shepherd's pie without the cheese.

Just kidding...

2010-03-25T16:40:00.004-04:00

Fret no more dear readers because Purple LG Sidekick as been found alive and well! In fact, it is lying right here on the desk beside to me as we speak, safe and sound! I haven't let it out of my sight since it's safe return home yesterday evening.

So, funny story about this brave little trooper. As I stated earlier, I walked out of my house yesterday morning to more snow than I've ever seen in my life! To top it off, I was parked under a tree which meant about 3 more inches on my car than my surrounding neighbors'. I literally had to dig my way through to even open my car door. Once I pulled out my handy-dandy window scraper, I had to climb all over the hood and trunk to get the heavy wet snow off the top. Somehow, in the midst of me pretending my car was a wintry jungle gym, my phone must have slipped out of my pocket only to be safely packed into the snow I was pushing off. I got lucky because when I got off work that afternoon, there it lay, wedged in between the hood and the windshield, right underneath the wipers. After a couple quick calls to the best daddy in the world via Jen's mobile, my beloved was back and running like new. Not even a drop of water damage... so far. Whew! What a close call!

Unfortunately, my friends and family did have to endure that awful e-mail I alluded to last time. Thankfully most of them were compliant and there was minimal teasing.

Like that Celine Dion song says, "My phone will go on and on..." I think that's Celine Dion. Can I hire you as my fact checker, Elizabeth?

The snow ate my cell phone!

2010-03-24T14:24:00.004-04:00

In today's world of smart phones and Wifi, you'd be more likely to hear this scenario than the age-old adage of "my dog ate my homework." I've always been slightly annoyed when I get those Facebook group invites with some kind of wild excuse for why someone needs my number: "I dropped my phone in the toilet," "A hobo stole my celly in Cancun," "My mobile disappeared with the Island when Ben turned the magic donkey wheel." Really guys? Let's put on our big kid pants and learn about a little word I like to call "responsibility."

Now, I've always been one of the most responsible people I've ever met. It's the first thing I put in my cover letter. Organization is the key to responsibility, which is why there is a place for everything and everything in it's place. (Don't confuse organization with tidiness. They are two seperate beasts.) And that's why my cell phone always goes in either my pocket or in my purse.

Yet here I sit, about to send out a very familiar e-mail to my hopefully gracious family and friends. But it's not my fault! I can explain. You see, it's all Colorado's fault. If Denver weren't so bi-polar when it comes to weather, perhaps my beloved cell phone would still be with me today, instead of buried in the snow god knows where like a fallen war casualty. The best I can figure is that it somehow slipped out of my pocket or purse this morning when I was digging my car out of the foot and a half of melting snow.

It's weird being without my phone and I don't even have one of those smarty pants iPhones, which would be even more of a tragedy! I feel like I'm missing an apendage. I once saw a documentary about amputees who talked about having a phantom limb. That's the best comparison I can make. I can't tell you how many times in the past three hours I've reached for my beloved connection to the outside world and come up emtpy handed. As Amy Grant used to sing, "Don't it always seem to go, but you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone."

Shoes for Samantha

2010-03-24T00:27:00.002-04:00

As you may or may not know, my dear friend Samantha is stationed in Lesotho (Southern Africa for those of you who have never heard of it. Don't feel bad - neither had I) for a 2.5 year stint with the Peace Corps. Recently in her blog she wrote about a track team at her school. Sam was a HUGE runner in high school and college and the only person who has ever succeeded in convincing me to run anywhere (which is a feat in and of itself). Track season in Lesotho is almost over but she's talking of coaching next year. The problem? Her students desperately need shoes. Sam writes, "The debatably 400 meter track had two mild inclines and was dirt smeared with shards of glass. My students ran barefoot!" After reading this, I knew I wanted to help.

Our mutual friend Hannah did a little research and found that "a leading cause of disease in developing countries is soil-transmitted diseases, which penetrate the skin through bare feet. Wearing shoes can help prevent these diseases and the long term physical and cognitive harm they cause."

So, I'm writing to ask if you have any old running or athletic shoes, if you'd be willing to donate them to Sam's students in Lesotho. Any size and gender will do. I sent out an e-mail last week and got an overwhelmingly positive response, including some from a couple of key people who are stepping up to the plate in terms of organization. Because of them, we have five "collectors" for your convenience. Contact the following people and they will work with you to make the easiest exchange possible.

If you live near Columbia or Myrtle Beach, SC contact Stephanie at stephaniewarrenmb@gmail.com

If you live near Clemson, SC contact Hannah at hoakley18@gmail.com.

If you live near Charleston, SC contact Claire at cwsparks@edisto.cofc.edu.

If you live near East Lansing, MI contact Amy at bicketta11@gmail.com.

If you live in Denver, CO or not in SC at all, contact me, Rachel at rachel.denise.sparks@gmail.com.

The projected ship date will be May 1, so if you could get your shoes to one of us by then, that would be wonderful. If you want to help but don't have any old shoes, we will gladly accept any monetary donation you are willing to give to cover shipping costs. Also, pass the word on. You never know when a stranger may want to help out but they can't if they don't even know about it! Thanks!

36 Book Challenge Update

2010-03-23T12:29:00.004-04:00

I've been keeping a tally of my meager nine books read so far in this challenge on the side bar, but for posterity's sake (I expect my great great grandchildren to publish this blog and make it famous one day a la Anne Frank. Well, maybe not so much like Annie. I could live without the horrifically brutal end in a Nazi death camp. No pun intended.) I decided to give you an actual post update.

Here's what I've read so far:

The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom; This was my second time reading this book and it's one of my favorites. It's a quick read so I highly recommend it. The movie that Hallmark produced a few years ago starring Jon Voight is also really great. Be warned though - it's a tear jerker. I don't know if I was on my period at the time or what, but I remember actually having to pause the film so that I could cry for a while and then start it back up again.
1984 by George Orwell; Somehow I skated out of ever having to read this in high school. My review? I'm glad to have it in my repertoire but I don't love it. I do understand V for Vendetta better now.
Peter Pan by JM Barrie; Loved loved LOVED it! Peter Pan has always been one of my favorite stories so I was sad when I realized I'd never actually read the original story. Indians, sword fights, fairies! What more could one ask for in a whimsical adventure? And the book had so much more to it than the versions I'd ever heard. I love the part about the secret kiss that Mrs. Darling keeps on her cheek. This is definitely a tale I'll be reading to my own children one day.
The Gospel According to LOST by Chris Seay; I picked this up because it seemed like an interesting intersection between religion (one of my favorite topics to debate) and LOST (one of my favorite shows of all time). I thought it would be all about the ties between the man of science v. man of faith debate on our favorite island, but alas it turned out to be more like a bible study guide. Boo.
Sex and the City by Candace Bushnell; After my marathon of all six SATC seasons, I had to pick up the book. I was pretty disappointed and really perplexed as to how such an entertaining smash hit came out of such a dull and disjointed book. Well, actually the book is a collection of articles but still, I would not recommed it.
A Little Bit Wicked by Kristin Chenoweth; KC used to be one of my favorite Bway actresses but she's been trumped lately by the wonderfully talented Sutton Foster. Still, her thus far memoire was entertaining and funny. If you want to read it just for the Wicked stuff I'd suggest getting it from the library. She's surprisingly not very forthcoming about the show that argueably made her the most famous.
The Wrong Mother by Sophie Hannah; a friend of a friend reccommended this to me and I picked it up because I read a review that it was reminiscent of Jodi Picoult's books. I was definitely captivated but it's not the best murder mystery I've ever read. I did enjoy the Britishisms though!
LOST and Philosophy: The Island Has Its Reasons edited by Sharon Kaye; this was a fun book for me because it made me feel like I was back in school. One of the things I appreciate most about LOST is its intelligence and this book makes lots of philosophic connections that I may not have made on my own. I wish I had had this back when I took Philosophy 101. John Stewart Mill's theories might have made a whole lot more sense!
House Rules by Jodi Picoult; I'm a huge Picoult fan (though I firmly stand by my belief that she let Hollywood butcher My Sister's Keeper) but I was a bit disappointed in her latest, mostly because I figured out the plot a quarter through the book. I don't know if she's losing her touch or if I'm just that good but it wasn't as much fun to read after I knew the ending.

Now I'm working on Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach which I found in the Science Museum gift shop. I'd also like to finish Louisa May Alcott's Little Women and perhaps pick up Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. After that, I have nothing lined up so I open the floor for suggestions. What are some of your favorite reads?

Please don't stop the music

2010-03-22T11:47:00.003-04:00

Are you bored with your current iTunes selection? Are your annoying roommate's lovemaking noises distracting you from your own boogie-woogie? Are you a closeted klepto with an itch to scratch?

Well then, stop what you're doing right now and go here ~~for a free download~~ to steal a copy of The Foot.'s debut album, "Primary Colors." This rockin' band formed in 2008 and is comprised of current Denverites Jeff McCollister (bass, vocals, synths), Phil Barrett (guitar, vocals), and Noah Shomberg (drums, percussion, vocals) who will collectively have you dancing the night away. Their fusion of classic and modern rock has made them popular at local hang out venues such as The Bluebird, Moe's BBQ, b.side lounge, and The Gothic Theatre.

Jess Crotta calls it "ear-gasmic." Rachel Sparks, cousin of electric guitarist Phil Barrett says, "This may be the shared ancestory talking but I give it three thumbs up." Claire Sparks, sister of Rachel, interjects, "Their music is so distinct; right away you can tell it's The Foot." You heard 'em, folks. With reliable and unbiased sources like those, you can bet it's the gosh durn truth!

If you happen to be in the Denver area, you should totally come to the Offical CD Release Party on April 10 at Herman's Hideaway. If you don't happen to the be in Denver area, that's okay because The Foot. might be coming to a city near you! See below for a list of tour dates.

But, hurry, because this offer won't last long! The free download is available for one month only. And if you act now, I'll let you in on a super secret tidbit of information: Jeff McCollister still sleeps with his baby blankie... shhh! If you like the album, and even if you don't, pass it along to your grandmother, auto mechanic, doggie day care play group, and dental hygenist. One day, you'll want to be one of those cool cats who can honestly say, "Oh The Foot.? Yeah, I knew them back when..."

The Foot.'s Upcoming Performances and Tour Dates:

4/10/2010 Herman's Hideaway in Denver, CO
4/16/2010 Czar Bar in Kansas City, MO
4/17/2010 2720 Cherokee in St. Louis, MO
4/18/2010 Hideaway Saloon in Louisville, KY
4/20/2010 Max's Place in Bloomington, IN
4/21/2010 The Elbo Room in Chicago, IL
4/23/2010 The Blue Note in Muskegon, MI
4/24/2010 The Green Door in East Lansing, MI
4/25/2010 El Bait Shop in Des Moines, IA
4/26/2010 Pizza Shoppe Collective in Omaha, NE

Continuity Schmontinuity

2010-03-16T15:53:00.004-04:00

MTV must think I'm really stupid. Exhbit 1: The Jersey Shore.

Exhibit 2: 16 and Pregnant.

A friend had her gall bladder removed on Friday, so some girls and I have been taking shifts to make sure she's never alone for the few days after surgery. This is good for two reasons: I get to be a good friend and I get to take advantage of her cable TV. While the patient was resting, I turned on the boob tube to one of my newest guilty pleasures: MTV's 16 and Pregnant. I watched a double-header that afternoon and saw two teens, Jenelle and Valerie, change their lives forever.

Now, I'm a pretty observant TV watcher. When I was younger, my dad and I would play your favorite game and mine, "Continuity Errors." What? You didn't spend hours of your childhood in front of the television screen pointing out that in that boat scene in You've Got Mail Tom Hanks already put that olive in his martini two seconds ago, or that Dorothy's hair grew longer and shorter while she intently listened to the Scarecrow sing about his want of brains? Oh.

Anywho, I've gotten pretty good at recognizing a lazy film editor. That's where these preggers teenagers come in. The number one recognizable continuity error, at least in my book, is hair, and MTV apparently doesn't give a care about the hair. In Janelle's episode, there is a segment where she and her mother argue about her going out partying instead of staying home with baby Jace. In the argument, Janelle's hair is blonde. When she goes out partying, she has suddenly changed to a dark brunette. This isn't implausible. How long does it take to dye one's hair? However, the next day, her hair is back to blonde. I find it pretty hard to believe that even irresponsible smartass Janelle would dye her hair twice in 24 hours. I wasn't wrong. Later in the show, she does dye her hair brown for the remainder of the episode.

A similar thing happens with Valerie, who I must say seems to be a much more responsible and caring teen mom than her colleague Janelle. In some segments, her hair is noticeably shorter than in others and then goes back again. Let me assure you that this is a girl who can't afford pricey Paris Hilton extensions. It's Dorothy deja vu!

I've always suspected reality shows to be much more scripted and manipulated than they let on, but this confirms it. MTV must not think very highly of their audience to try and juxtapose reality so blatantly and so sloppily. Eh, what do I care? Those babies having babies is still entertaining.

Obama's trying to limit free speech! Run for your lives!!

2010-03-15T13:28:00.003-04:00

A "friend" of my sister's, who shall remain nameless, was in a panic when she alleged that Obama was limiting free speech on the National Mall. "Now if we do anything, we have to be outside that area. How crazy is that?!" she screamed.

Hmmm...That doesn't sound right, I thought to myself. First off, as an avid news connoisseur, I'm sure I would have heard about this. Secondly, even the President doesn't have to power to limit free speech. It's one of the first things promised to us in the Constitution. It's what protects ignorant idiots like Glenn Beck from criminal repercussions when he purports that church-goers and people who wear grey peacoats are Nazis.

Claire and I did a little research and this is what we found. So, go ahead, America. Freak out! Obama IS limiting our free speech on the National Mall. And how dare he? He has no right to take away our free speech in order to enhance the mall (for the first time in 30 years, I might add) in order to make it more sustainable and accessible so that the Italian-Americans can go back to protesting The Jersey Shore. It's irrelevant that it's a safety hazard and federal law violation to allow unauthorized civilians in a construction zone?! Who cares that Obama wants to make bike paths (damn cyclists) and conservation zones (stupid wildlife). When our rights are at stake, we have to take a stand.

I'd suggest we protest this, but with the National Mall temporarily taken away from us, I wouldn't even know where to picket.

Your roommate says a lot of shit

2010-03-14T03:35:00.001-04:00

Bea: Why don't you have any clocks around here? The only one you have is the digital one on the microwave.
Jess: In this household, we want it told like it is. We don't like it when there is a lot of brain power involved. In short, this is a strict no math zone.
Rachel: And that's why I live here.

Rachel: My sister told me I have fat cheeks. Like a chipmunk saving up for the winter.
Jess: Well that was far from kind. I'd say you are more squirrel-like myself.

Rachel (watching Jess get ready): God, you look so skinny in that dress.
Jess: Yeah, but I'm an emotional cutter.
Rachel: ... I have really bad breath in the morning.

Rachel: Google tells me that when you have an ant problem, you can't just kill them and leave them there. You have to dispose of all the ant carcasses because if you don't, their friends will come back and get them and then you just have more ants.
Jess: Like a tiny insect funeral procession?

Jess: Do you want these chips?
Rachel: Sure. Wait... are those mine?
Jess: No, I got them out of that bag in the pantry.
Rachel: You mean the bag I bought?
Jess: Listen, I'm being a nice roommate and offering you some Doritos. It doesn't matter where they came from. What matters is that I'm a very generous person.

Rachel: My teeth feel furry.
Jess: Quit being weird.

Jess: I had my first Bloody Mary the other day, an experience I can only describe as awesome. It tasted like cold alcoholic soup!

Sparks Girls Tested, Bill Nye Approved

2010-03-12T11:42:00.016-05:00

Since I won't be here much longer, and because my sister was in town this weekend, I decided we should take advantage of some things I've never done in Denver. That's how Claire, Merrillee and I found ourselves at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. I found the facility overall to be fairly sub-par (at least compared to other science museums I've visited, namely the Museum of Science in Boston and New Jersey's Liberty Science Center) but there was one exhibit that made the whole trek down Colorado Blvd. worthwhile: Kaiser Permanente's Expedition Health. If you ever find yourselve moseying through the wild wild west, I recommend you make a pit stop and check it out.

As you enter the exhibit, they hand you a card, your Peak Pass, which will track your progress through each health station. You insert your card into the first computer and input some basic information. You also pick a virtual "buddy" to guide you along the way. I picked Brandon of course; he was the hottest.

Then there are all these fun, interactive stations where you play and figure out things about your overall health. The first activity we did was the bike. This station was to measure your heart rate, but it felt a little too reminiscent of my past gym experiences, so I didn't stay there long. The next station measured your height versus your arm span. Then there was another that calculated how fast you walked and let you know how long it would take you to make it around certain geographical locations (mountains, lakes, etc.). Personally, I'm always "walking like I stole something" (at least according to Claire [hey! I got places to go, people to see!]) so I definitely bested both my companions as well as virtual Brandon.

Other fun stations: The one where you put your hands under a UV light and camera to show how much protection you get from wearing sunscreen, which was amazing btdubs. I'll never refuse to wear SPF 30 again; the camera that ages you 70 years and shows you what you will look like with normal aging and with skin damage; and the river walk, where you cross a platform on a plank with a video of running water below. Hey! It's harder than it sounds.

The best station? The one where you move a small plastic ball with your mind. I'm not kidding. Claire and I both put on these magnetic headbands (brain damage anyone?) and had a mind battle to the finish. This is how it works: whoever is more relaxed (and is emitting less brain waves) the ball will move away from. Whoever has more brain activity, the ball will move towards. I bet you can guess who won. Definitely Claire - I'm pretty much always stressed out in my head. That noggin never stops going!

At the end of the exhibit, you insert your card into another computer and get a printout of the days activities and how you stand up. None of we failed. In fact, my evaluation is proudly displayed on my bulletin board at this very moment.

People Be Crazy

2010-03-10T11:34:00.003-05:00

Sorry I've gone AWOL for the past week. My sister was in town for a few days so my blog responsibilities have been lacking. I won't be one of those bloggers who promises that some really super posts are coming soon to make up for the fact that I've neglected the great people of the interwebs... mostly because I've got nothin'... and because I like to think that all my posts are super. Forgive me? Pretty please with sugar and pecans and caramel and a cherry on top?

In other news, peeps for real be crazy. This morning I read this article, which details how a movie-goer was stabbed with a meat thermometer for shushing some woman on her cell phone. The suspects are still at large. If/when they get caught, do you suppose they'll be shipped off to Shutter Island?

And the Oscar goes to...

2010-03-04T14:11:00.006-05:00

The Academy Awards are in less than 3 days and I won't be watching. Shocking, I know, considering my addiction to all things pop culture. In past years, I've ~~forced~~ asked my friends to participate in Oscar Night, where we dress up in pretty gowns and make predictions on winners. It's for serial mates; there are spreadsheets and champagne involved. Sadly, this year I won't be participating in any of that "Hollywood Hulabaloo" because a) I don't have many friends here in Denver who give a rat's toot about best cinematography, b) I don't have a TV and c) my sister will be in town (!!).

I read an interesting article today (which I can't for the life of me find now, of course) predicting The Hurt Locker for Best Picture based on winning movies from days of yore. The author had a finely tuned way of calculating this which most asuredly involved math, and therefore had me skimming, but he did say something that caught my attention. He said he had screened every single movie that won the Best Picture award since Academy Award conception.

A month ago, I wrote a post boasting (I'm a poet and didn't even know it!) of different TV shows of which I'd seen every single episode. So I thought to myself, "Rachel, wouldn't it be a fun challenge if you watched all the Academy Award's picks for Best Picture?" Then I thought, "Why yes, Rach. What a wonderful idea." I mean, how many people do you know that have seen every single Best Picture movie? I'm sure there are some hardcore Oscar fans out there and I intend to join the elite few.

Below is a complete list of the 81 movies bestowed with the prestigious honor of Best Picture. As you can see, I'm already a bit ahead of myself in that I can cross a couple off the list. I've also placed holds on 3 DVDs at the library for this weekend. I fully intend to find out what makes each and every one of these films so... well, Oscar worthy.

There's no time limit. Why rush art?

Make the popcorn. Dim the lights. Let the party begin!

Wings
The Broadway Melody
All Quiet on the Western Front
Cimarron
Grand Hotel
Cavalcade
It Happened One Night
Mutiny in the Bounty
The Great Ziegfeld
The Life of Emile Zola
You Can't Take It With You
~~Gone with the Wind~~
Rebecca
How Green Was My Valley
Mrs. Miniver
Casablanca
Going My Way
The Lost Weekend
The Best Years of Our Lives
Gentlemen's Agreement
Hamlet
All the King's Men
All About Eve
An American in Paris
The Greatest Show on Earth
From Here to Eternity
On the Waterfront
Marty
Around the World in 80 Days
The Bridge on the River Kwai
Gigi
Ben-Hur
The Apartment
~~West Side Story~~
Lawrence of Arabia
Tom Jones
~~My Fair Lady~~
~~The Sound of Music~~
A Man for All Seasons
In the Heat of the Night
~~Oliver!~~
Midnight Cowboy
Patton
The French Connection
The Godfather
The Sting
The Godfather, Part II
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Rocky
Annie Hall
The Deer Hunter
Kramer vs. Kramer
Ordinary People
Chariots of Fire
Gandhi
Terms of Endearment
Amadeus
Out of Africa
Platoon
The Last Emperor
~~Rain Main~~
Driving Miss Daisy
Dances with Wolves
~~The Silence of the Lambs~~
Unforgiven
~~Schindler's List~~
~~Forrest Gump~~
Braveheart
~~The English Patient~~
~~Titantic~~
Shakespeare in Love
American Beauty
~~Gladiator~~
~~A Beautiful Mind~~
~~Chicago~~
~~The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King~~
~~Million Dollar Baby~~
~~Crash~~
The Departed
No Country for Old Men
~~Slumdog Millionaire~~

Bust Your Chops

2010-03-02T12:09:00.008-05:00

It would seem that the theme of Saturday night in Denver was all about ewe. To elaborate, I went to a Denver Mammoth (National Lacrosse League for those of you just as dense as I when it comes to sports) game where the halftime show was a Mutton Busting: a horrifying little spectacle which features small children holding on for dear life to the back of a sheep. It's like riding a mechanical bull. But with toddlers. And sheep. And in front of a stadium that seats 19,000 people. Don't believe me?

Like I said, this Mutton Busting is a fairly alarming pastime. Whereas my date was having a good ole time, I watched on in disbelief as child after child was flung off the backs of understandably angry rams. One sweater-in-training actually tried so hard to buck the kid off his back that he rolled over on top of him! I frantically searched the crowd for DSS, but all I saw were amused hillbillies and black-eyed Canadians. Apparently, as long as you have parental consent and a crowd of lacrosse loving yokels, cruel and unusal punishment of minors is perfectly legal. In fact, it's even encouraged!

I also was made aware of a Mutton Chops contest at a local tavern in my neighborhood. Sadly, it turned out to be lame, according to friends who went. I wonder if there were any 5-year-olds competing...

How to Succeed on a Date Without Really Trying

2010-03-01T11:33:00.007-05:00

I've decided I'm done with dating for a while. I've been going on lots of what I like to call "grown-up dates" lately. That's what you call going on one or two dates with random strangers. Well, they don't all have to be random; you can be set up by friends or just meet these guys somewhere. And what have I learned from these experiences? Grown-up dating is not all that much fun. They have the potential to be fun, of course, but potential doesn't always meet reality, now does it? In the past four guys I've gone out with, there was only one that I was even semi-interested in, and he's moving to a different state in a few weeks, so that's no good. All the others were definite duds. Why? Well, you might want to check out my list below of becauses, lest you are making these dreadful mistakes in your dating life as well.

Don't ask if your date's parents have ever been in trouble with the law. It's confusing and irrelevant. For the record, my parents are librarians. The most trouble they've ever been in with the law is not returning a book on time.
Don't tell your date that you dumped your last girlfriend because she "disrespected" you. Mysogyny is a definite turn off for most women living in the 21st century, especially for those of us with college educations.
When your date tells you three or four times that she's not into sports, don't try to plan a second date in which you take her to a basketball game or ping-pong tournament.
Show interest in your date's likes and dislikes, and listen to what she says. A date, hell a conversation, should be a two person activity. When you ask your date her favorite movie, give her time to respond before interjecting, "That's cool. My favorites are Rocky III, Rambo, and Dude Where's My Car."
Don't insist multiple times that your date will like something, as in "Try this pineapple couscous. You'll like it." You have no idea what she'll like as you only met her 24 hours ago. Domineering behavior will just merit the response, "Dude, where's my car?"
Why anyone in my generation would smoke period is beyond me (didn't you people ever have D.A.R.E.??), but taking a smoke break on a date, and furthermore asking your date to join you, is rude and disgusting.
High fives in a nice restaurant aren't really necessary. In any context.

Maybe you can see now why I'd rather spend Friday night with my friends who I'm certain I'll enjoy myself with rather than with a stranger I'm not so sure I'll like.

Limey Lingo (Part 2)

2010-02-24T12:56:00.007-05:00

I said it once, but it deserves saying again: I can't get enough of the way those Brits speak. It's not just the accent (though I am a proud member of the Facebook Group "Is that an accent? Pardon me while I undress..."), but the phrases, vocab, and use of the present perfect tense on the other side of the pond make you sound so much more sophisticated and well-rounded than we Merkins over here in the good ole US of A.

With the Olympics in full swing and the boob tube invaded by accents of all kinds, the Redcoats still stand out. Here are some phrases I've heard recently that I'd like to incorporate into daily dialogue but won't for fear of sounding like a complete arse.

"ring for takeaway" as in "I'm famished. Let's ring for takeaway pizza."
"poorly" as in "I was poorly at school today but I'm feeling much better now, thank you. Might have been the takeaway last night."
"childminder" as in "I can't forget to ring Gemma's childminder and ask her not to collect her because she's feeling poorly."
"trainers" as in "Bruce has gone to pick up my new Adidas trainers."
"brill" and "ace" as in "Those trainers make him jump so high. That jump was so brill. It was really ace!"
"rather a giggle" as in "I really fancy that blog, Confessions of a Virgin Blogger; it is rather a giggle."

Got more? Lay them on me. I'm talking to you Stephen K.

Even more shit my roommate says

2010-02-22T13:17:00.002-05:00

Rachel: My guilty pleasure is eating raw cookie dough.
Jess: Mine is "Panic at the Disco."
Rachel: Mine is...
Jess: All the things you like?
Rachel: No, I'm not ashamed of the things I like.
Jess: Hmm.... maybe I'm just ashamed of the things you like.

Jess: I would love to hang out with Ellen Degeneres. I made out with her in a dream once, but that's not the same. She'd be fun to hang out with in real life.

Jess: Isn't she just the stupidest person there?
Rachel: The stupidest person where?
Jess: Everywhere! Wherever she is, she's the stupidest person there.

Summertime and the living is easy

2010-02-19T09:26:00.003-05:00

Is it just me or is anyone else extremely ready for summer sun? Don't get me wrong. My love for snow and all things wintry is just as strong as ever, but I do miss warm sunshine, barefeet on green grass, light sun dresses, swimming pools and popsicle lips.

This morning, I was looking back at some Facebook albums filled with my favorite summer memories. Here are a few:

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Ah. Those lazy, hazy, crazy days...

Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Are Made Of

2010-02-18T12:47:00.004-05:00

"I studied all the pictures in magazines and books
I've memorized the subway map too
It's one block north to Macy's and two to Brother's Brooks
Manhattan... I'm prepared for you."

Last night, Jen gave me a good luck elephant. It must be working it's magic because today, I got my first acceptance letter to one of the schools I applied to in New York.

Best. Day. Ever!

Pick a little, eat a little.

2010-02-17T06:43:00.008-05:00

It's no mystery that I'm a pretty picky eater. Given the choice between escargot and fruit roll-ups, I'm going to choose the later every time. I haven't had a glass of milk in over 20 years (yet, I've never broken a bone, so suck it nerds). Actually, that's not true. One time when I was six or seven, I wanted my mom to think I was sick so I could stay home from school, so I started acting weird and doing things out of the ordinary. She wasn't buying it (and I'm not sure why I thought her seeing me take out the trash meant I was sick) so I knew I had to step it up a notch. I poured a tall glass of cow juice and drank it. I'm not lactose-intolerant but I suppose I hadn't had straight milk in such a long time that my stomach couldn't handle such an amount and I threw up. Then I DID get to stay home from school.

I went through this phase for about six years where I wouldn't touch cheese. I even took it off my pizza. The only meats I like to consume are chicken, beef, and pork. No duck, quail or octopus for me, thank you very much. Mayonnaise? Blech. Pecans? Not so much. Cilantro? Don't even go there.

The bottom line is, if it doesn't look good to me, I don't put it in my mouth. Period. You may call that small minded and ignorant. I call it survial and knowing myself better than you do.

What's amusing to me is that people get seriously offended and/or upset by my pickiness in a way that they never would if I said I didn't like to play tennis or wasn't keen on gardening. They take my unwillingness to nibble off their plate of pferde and rice pilaf as a personal insult. I don't get it. In most cases, it's not as though they had any hand in preparing this meal what-so-ever, aside from ordering it. Of course, if I'm at someone's house and he or she has prepared a meal for me, I will eat (some) of it, even if it's the harshest things my tastebuds have ever experienced.

Perhaps my pickiness is subsiding however. On Friday night, while we watched the Winter Olympics opening ceremony, Merrillee and I whipped up homemade ravioli from scratch. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to make pasta, by the way. We used cheeses I'd never even heard of and included spinach, of which I'm not a huge fan. However, when I put that first aprehensive bite in my mouth, I realized it wasn't so bad. In fact, I liked it. And I would eat it in it a box, and I would eat it with a fox. I would eat it here or there. I would eat it anywhere! I do so like ravioli and jam (a.k.a. tomato sauce). I do so like it Sam I Am.

Don't get ahead of yourselves now and don't take it personally, but I don't plan on trying your egg foo yung or bologna sandwich anytime soon.

How the West Was Fun

2010-02-16T07:15:00.000-05:00

Saturday, the Cuz and I took a mini roadtrip up to Lookout Mountain, CO to visit the grave site of one William "Buffalo Bill" Frederick Cody.

Not only did we get to see where the West's most famous cowboy is eternally resting, we learned a lot about Buffalo Bill history in the museum exhibit. For example, his grave site is not, I repeat not, a tourist trap. We sat through a 20 minute video whose main goal was the convey that message. According to his dear wife Lousia, old Bill's famous last words were, "I want to be buried up at Lookout Mountain in Colorado. It's pretty there." So don't you even breathe the accusation that his foster son, Johnny Baker, built a sort of shrine up there on Lookout just for the money. It's simply not true and they've got the informational video to prove it.

Me, channeling my inner Buffalo Bill, and on a plastic horse no less.

A Shiksa's Guide to Surviving a Jewish Wedding

2010-02-15T07:20:00.009-05:00

Last night I attended my first ever frum (which I now know means "orthodox" in Yiddish) Jewish wedding. Yes, sir. Another cherry popped. It was a fascinating and enjoyable experience. I've always admired how close knit the Jewish community is so I was very excited to be included in the guest list. As I see it, Judaism is not just a religion; it's a heritage.

Being raised Methodist, I wasn't privy to the traditions and customs of God's chosen people until recently when I began working for my boss, who is very frum. And boy have I learned a lot frum (get it? Frum = from. Oh I crack me up...) him about what it means to be Jewish. He keeps kosher, has Torah study on Tuesdays during lunch hour and leaves work early on Friday for Sabbath. This weekend, he tied the knot and was kind enough to invite me to partake in the festivities.

Not many people I know have attended such a traditional orthodox Jewish wedding, so let me lay down a couple ground rules I wish I'd known beforehand, just in case any of you ever find yourself in possession of a save the date card for the nuptial celebration of Mr. Epstein and Ms. Leibowitz.

There will be a lot of dancing and singing. And I'm not talking about waltzes. I'm talking about arms raised jumping around reminiscent of a hoe-down. So start drinking that Manischewitz early. Those Jews don't mess around when it comes to celebration.
Both the bride's and groom's parents walk them down the aisle. I thought this was a refreshing deviation from the way we pagans do it. At least if someone is being given away like property, it's both parties and not just the woman.
Throw candy at the bride and groom. Significance? I'm not sure and when I asked no one could really tell me. Why do Gentiles throw rice?
Make sure your outfit of choice is mostly black and includes long sleeves. I didn't feel too out of place because, aside from the fact that I was having an excellent hair day, I was wearing a dark lavender dress with a three-quarter length brown sweater, so I blended in pretty well. Glad I didn't go with the yellow one...
Don't touch anyone of the opposite sex. I learned this the hard way after a very awkward exchange with a rabbi who practically jumped out the nearest window when I tried to shake his hand. You'd think I had swine flu or poop on my hand. Nope. It's just a rule. Men and women who are not married do not touch one another. In fact, they are so serious about this rule that they separate men and women during the ceremony as well as during most of the dancing. Makes me wonder how the whole dating thing works. People have needs, you know?
Expect jugglers and fire. As earlier stated, those Jews like to have fun. Don't be surprised if you see a woman doing handstands or someone tries to pull a coin out of your ear. You might even see the bride jumping a rope made out of napkins.
Also expect a sermon. I'm not really sure why but for some reason during dinner, the groom's brother, who is also a rabbi, grabbed the mic and started telling us stories about donating money no matter your financial status. However, as far as I could tell, he wasn't collecting anything. Then again, most of his speech was a mixture of Yiddish, Hebrew, and English so he could have been talking about his March Madness bracket for all I knew.
Cover your ears. Because those ladies like to yell and yell loud. I can't tell you how many times I thought Xena: Warrior Princess was in the house. Nope. It was just Rivka: Jewish Princess showing off her impressive set of pipes.
There will be no throwing of the bouquet or cutting of the cake. Only more dancing.

Totally Materialistic and Shallow Things I'd Do If I Had Unlimited Funds

2010-02-11T13:30:00.007-05:00

This list is stolen from The Secret Society of List Addicts, which is a great site for all my fellow listmakers out there looking to waste a few hours or get a couple ideas. What would I do with a bajillion dollars? Just you wait...

Buy my parent's house. It's the house I grew up in and and though the parentals are free to move (those stairs might get a bit tricky at age 80), I can't imagine/don't want anyone else living there. Ever.
Buy a penthouse in NYC and then proceed to see every single show on Broadway.
Buy a flatscreen and get the best cable package ever. Buy tons of DVDs.
Have a huge, lavish party and fly in all my friends from all over the place.
Buy a dishwasher for the apartment.
Travel to Europe and Australia. And take my sissy along.
Visit Samantha in Africa, Lindsey in Costa Rica, Cari in Argentina, Taryn in Panama, and Wesley in San Francisco.
Buy a new car. Preferably a hybrid. I've been eyeing that Pruis Nancy Botwin drives. I hear it gets you dibs on the carpool lane in Atlanta.
Get a puppy solely for cuddling purposes. Pay someone else to train and feed it.
Not much of a shopper but I guess I might buy a few new outfits. Watch out H&M.

If Only In My Dreams

2010-02-09T12:17:00.005-05:00

I had a conversation at a bar the other weekend with this guy about dream theory. He was spouting off all kinds of nonsense about the meaning of dreams and such that I don't particularly buy into. However, I've always liked dreaming. It's an escape, entertainment for the night, a choose-your-own-adventure story starring yours truly. In my book, that's a pretty cool way for our brains to work.

Lately, I've really been missing my BFF Sam who is doing a 2.5-year stint with the Peace Corp in Lesotho, Africa. Of course we write letters and e-mails and someday soon I hope to get to actually be able to chat with her on the phone, but it's not the same. Sam is one of the few friends who, for the past five-ish years of my life, I was able to talk to on the phone for hours - venting, laughing, giving advice, chatting about politics or TV shows. Neither of us claim to be big phone talkers, but somehow even if we've recently seen one another, we don't run out of things to say. This can be evidenced by our road trip out to Denver together. For the first 11 hours, we talked nonstop. I promise you I am not exaggerating. So, I really miss that now.

This may sound silly, but last night I had a dream that Samantha came home to visit for a little while. It was so much fun to hang out with her. We ate Spill the Beans and talked and talked about all sorts of things. It was so good to finally get her feedback on my life instantly and not 3 weeks later in a letter. When I woke up, I felt really happy. I know it was just a dream, but I'm glad that, in a tiny way, I got a dose of some Sam time which is what I've really needed in recent weeks.

Giiiirl, you ain't no bodhisattva so quit actin' like you are.

2010-02-08T15:43:00.007-05:00

My roommate is on this Buddhism kick and yesterday she gave me a big lecture on how I should appreciate every moment and be aware of all the snowflakes and dafodils yada yada yada something about Nirvana blah blah blah. I'm not really sure what her point was because the conversation reminded me of one I might have with a damning evangelical which put me on the defense, but if I'm supposed to be mindful of all things, appreciation of technology is something I can really get on board with.

Technology is amazing. Right now, I'm glued to the "mare cam" waiting for Start the Rumor to pop a bun out of the oven so that I can alert my dear friend and equine enthusiast, Hannah B., who had to pull herself away from the screen in order to go to work. 10 years ago, if I wanted to see a baby foal make its way into this big, bright, beautiful world, I'd have to put on some cowgirl boots, wade through copious amounts of manure and stake out the barn for who knows how long. I'd probably also have to experience some interesting sights, sounds, and smells. Now, I can watch the miracle of birth live via webcam while simultaneously Facebooking and texting, all from the comfort of my office swivel chair.

So, see Newly Buddhist Roommate? I am mindful of nature... This coming from the girl who makes sure her vacations include internet.

I've always relied on the kindness of strangers

2010-02-05T12:30:00.015-05:00

Yesterday it was unusually windy in Denver, at least here on the Glendale side of town. My boss asked me to go to the post office which is only across the street. I popped in a piece of gum (Trident Tropical Twist, if you must know), grabbed my iPod, and walked out the door.

I was just rounding the corner when I tripped over a bump in the sidewalk, bringing me to my hands and knees. At that exact moment a gush of wind blew my hair into my face. It was the perfect storm. When I got up, my gum was no longer in my mouth and a patch of hair on the left side of my head was hanging heavier than the rest.

I grabbed at my hershey chocolate locks and desperately began ripping out the offending foodstuff to no avail. Worst of all, I couldn't even really see what was going on. The gum was simply too far up on my head for any proper assesment of damage. On the brink of tears (I've been growing my hair out now for months and believe me when I say I have the slowest growing hair in the world. We're talking sloth slow. Shifting techtonic plates slow. Uncle Albert trying to organize the family picture slow.) I picked up my package and high-tailed it to the post office.

Guess what. Post offices don't have public restrooms, even for those of us in the midst of a coiffeur crisis. Even more unfortunate, sticky pink dreadlocks are not my look. I left the post office in a huff and busted into the bathroom at the local McDonad's next door. In the mirror I caught a glimpse of the catastrophe in my scalp but without a second mirror I still couldn't fully see the wad of pink gum and how badly it was stuck in my hair.

I've always had pretty fine hair which as earlier stated takes years to grow out even with a healthy daily dose of Biotin and Vitamin B supplements so you can only imagine the tragedy of having to cut it all off. Plus, I've decided that this new fangled bob all you crazy kids are wearing is not my best style. I was seriously about to begin sobbing when a scrappy McDonald's employee sporting a blue "I'm lovin' it" hat and smacking her own brand of Trident burst out of the stall. She took one look at me in my dishevelment and said, "Ooooh girl. That is not a good look. Hold up. I get you some peanut butta." I have never been happier to see a french fry maker at old Mickey D's before in my entire 23 years of existence.

Sheronica, as she later introduced herself, was back in a flash with some Jiffy and a knife. Who knew McDonald's had all this peanut butter laying around? Perhaps they deal with a lot of this sort of thing since the US postal service is pretty exclusive about who can and can't use their bathroom. She carefully globbed the PB over the left side of my scalp and quickly worked the gum out. When she was done, I pulled a Jewel and rinsed my hair in the sink, fashioned it into a messy bun and gave my new bestie a big hug. I was so relieved by the time the whole ordeal was over, I didn't even mind that I smelt like the inside of a grade schooler's lunch box for the rest of the day.

I suppose Blance DuBois was right.

LOST Theories and Questions: 6.1

2010-02-03T12:29:00.009-05:00

Don't worry dear readers. My blog won't turn into a LOST-centric episode, but as I'm still on a LOST high from last night's season premiere, I've just got to discuss. Here are some questions/theories that I have (with a little help from my fellow LOST enthusiasts Ryan and Allison). Any thoughts all you Losties out there?

Theories:
1. Sayid is dead and Jacob has reincarnated into his body, just as The Man in Black reincarnated into Locke.
2. Desmond is skipping through time again, but he is so experienced at it now that it doesn't phase him. That's why he's not acting confused when he sits next to Jack on the plane. Also - he probably knows what's going on.
3. Juliet was trying to tell Sawyer she was pregnant before she died. That "it worked" BS that Miles said was exactly that. How could she all the sudden know that when seconds before she was all upset that detonating the hydrogen bomb didn't work. In the season 5 finale when the gang runs into Rose and Bernard, Bernard looks and Juliet (knowingly) and says, "Are you sure you don't want a cup of tea." Juliet touches her stomach (guiltily) and says, "Maybe another time." Subtle, but I think they both know she's pregnant. Now, whether or not that baby/Juliet would have survived is another question considering the island's history of killing pregnant women.

Questions:
1. The Man in Black says all he wants is to go home. Why does he need to kill Jacob to do this? Is Jacob holding him hostage? How are the two connected and what is this feud about? Where is home? Perhaps home means death, as he could be immortal. Maybe he has to kill Jacob in order to die.
2. Why wasn't Shannon on the plane with Boone? How about Walt and Michael? If they truly reset, shouldn't everyone be there?
3. Why is the island submerged under water?
4. Where did these other Others come from? Is Claire living with them?
5. Obviously Charlie and Boone are still alive. Does this mean that other poeple who have died on the island (Mr. Eko, Ana Lucia, Libby, Juliet) could still be alive. We didn't see anyone from the tail section, besides Cindy. I still have hope that Juliet and Sawyer will meet and fall in love regardless of whether they know one another or not. She did ask him to get coffee with her sometime...It's so meant to be.
6. What the heck will happen to Ben this season?
7. What is that ash that supposedly protects people from the Smoke Monster/The Man in Black?
8. Throughout the entire series, Jack has been painted as this Christ figure, a "Shepherd" of the people, if you will. Now, he seems defeated, lost, and helpless, reminiscent of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemene. Will Jack have to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to be a savior of the people?
9. What is Richard's backstory? Why was he in chains? Was he a slave on the Black Rock?
10. Why is The Man in Black disappointed in the Others/Ajira Air survivors? Most of them seem to have no idea what's going on.
11. Where is Christian's body? Does it really matter?

I'm glad:
1. We know what the Smoke Monster is.
2. We got to see Arzt and Neil.

That's all I've got for now. I'm off to read the forums. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Mind Officially Blown

2010-02-03T00:33:00.002-05:00

Precious LOST, you always deliver. I truly feel sorry for those of you that don't watch. And now I remember why the show is usually only one hour long. My poor nerves can't handle much more than that. Going to bed semi-satisfied yet still hungry.

Tomorrow, tomorrow. I love ya!

2010-02-01T12:45:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is the big day. I predict it will be better than Christmas.

I've watched the Season 5 finale, done the research, read tons of blogs, made predictions with friends and listened to my favorite podcasts these past few weeks. I even loudly cursed out Lila in a restaurant for daring to suggest that I go play trivia tomorrow and watch the premiere on Hulu later. I think it's fair to say that I am more than ready to get LOST.

It's only a day away...

Yes We (Still) Can!

2010-01-29T13:06:00.010-05:00

I haven't had time to actually watch it, but I did get a chance to read the transcript of President Obama's first State of the Union speech this morning. Since Wednesday night, it seems that not too many pundits are reacting negatively to his words and I can understand why.

I can't say that I've paid very close attention to previous SOTU addresses, but I think that Obama's speech was amazing. I can only imagine how much better it must have been delivered. The President was serious, bold, realistic and confident (and perhaps even a little bit comedic), but he still gave us a big slice of hope pie leftover from his campaign days, which is something America needs right now to boost its morale. I came away from his words feeling inspired, upbeat, ready to tackle the challenges ahead as one people, one America.

Something Obama brought up, with which I couldn't agree more, is that the fighting and the pettiness and the putting one another down needs to stop. I know Republicans and Democrats have been at war with each other for years, but nothing can or will get accomplished unless compromises are made and others' opinions are considered. How can we understand one another when we won't even listen to one another? And how can we listen above all the noise and hateful lies we spread about one another in the media and on the street? Obama put it best when he said, "for while the people who sent us here have different backgrounds, different stories, and different beliefs, the anxieties they face are the same. The aspirations they hold are shared; a job that pays the bills, a chance to get ahead." We can have a win-win situation. Or as Michael Scott might purport, a win-win-win.

Another thing that Obama said that I really liked was that he's not interested in punishing the banks but protecting our economy. I'm all for putting checks and balances in place to regulate big banks and their spending. Of course there needs to be accountability, but when we focus on vindication, we can't move forward. From now on we will "guard against that same recklessness that nearly brought down our entire economy."

I applaud what Obama says about the importance of education. I've said it once and I'll say it a million times - education is the key to our success. We must invest in training and skills, just as our comptetitors in China, Japan and India have agressively done. In Eastern coutries, and even in Western ones, there is such an emphasis placed on math and science. While that hurts my heart a little, having been and English major and all, I acknowlege those subjects' extreme importance to a profitable future. It really resonated with me when the President said that "instead of rewarding failure, we only reward success." We don't produce material goods any longer in order to keep our economy afloat. We are driven by ideas, invention and services. Therefore, education and specialization are essential pieces to our success.

I'll be honest in that there is a lot about government and recent policies that I don't understand. What I do understand though is that we cannot keep on the way we have been in the last decade. Specifically and most importantly, we can't wait any longer for Obama's health care bill to pass. I'm surrounded by friends who as a 20-something year olds live paycheck to paycheck with no benefits. Hell, I'm one of them. I'm fortunate enough that my parents pay for my minimal health insurance (otherwise I'd have to do without) but I know more people my age who don't have insurance than do, and that's terrifying. It's scary when your roommate needs to go to the emergency room but won't because she can't afford to or a friend fractures his back skiing and has more anxiety about paying the bills than how close he came to being paralyzed for the rest of his life. This must change. We owe it to one another to take care of our fellow Americans. The American Dream is dead and I'd argue that it never even existed. No one can get anywhere simply by working hard enough. We all need help along the way.

Frankly, I don't really understand why the President's approval ratings are so low. Maybe it's because our expectations of him were too high and he hasn't delivered fast enough. Personally, my love for this guy and my belief that he can and will lead our nation out of strife is unwavering. As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day, and one man can't fix all our problems in that time period either. But Obama's not willing to just sit around and twiddle his thumbs until change decides to give him a ring. He says it over and over again in his speech. How long should we wait for the change we need?

If you check out politifact.com, you will see that he is working hard to fulfill many of the promises he made to us before he was elected, and if you read or watch his speech, I think you'll find that Obama is a man of his word. However, he is realistic about the challenges we face yet encouraged/encouraging about the future ahead and we must be as well. That's common sense and I'd like to try it.

List your favorite childhood toys

2010-01-28T09:16:00.002-05:00

I haven't yet had a chance to watch/read a transcript of Obama's first State of the Union speech so here's something to tide you over until I can weigh in on that.

Samantha, my American Girl Doll
Kelseys and Kellys Barbie dolls
Doodle Bear
rollerblades
bicycle
playground equipment
chalk
Gigapet
Yak-bak

They like me! They really like me!

2010-01-26T07:36:00.012-05:00

Woke up in the morning feelin' like P-Diddy because... Stef over at 52 Weeks of Wordage has given me the oh-so-prestigious "Your Blog is Over the Top" award!! I couldn't be more honored because it's my first, which means I can cross another sort of virginity lost off my list. Thanks a mil Stef.

Here is my copy of "the Rules" mantrap (Friends reference, anyone? Bueller?). Answer the following questions with single word answers and then pass this along to 5 other bloggers. Yeah, so I'm supposed to do one word answers, but sometimes it's better to create your own rules. Stick it to the man and all that jazz.

Your cell phone? practically defunct

Your hair? hershey brown

Your father? George Costanza look-a-like

Your favorite food? Super Taco veggie burrito

Your dream last night? Ashley 7 months pregnant with twins named Heidi and Spencer

Your favorite drink? Minute Maid Fruit Punch

Your dream/goal? one of them = law school

What room you are in? office lobby

Your hobby? LOST theory

Your fear? rejection

Where do you see yourself in six years? trying not to have expectations

Where were you last night? home sweet apartment

Something that you aren't? irresponsible

Muffins? blueberry

Wish list item? iPhone

Where did you grow up? 803

Last thing you did? scanned and filed some documents

What are you wearing? only the cutest navy dress ever w/ grey tights

Your TV? imaginary

Your pets? also imaginary

Friends? what make my life so fucking fantastic

Your life? fucking fantastic

Your mood? excited

Missing somone? the wonderfully Southern and wonderfully not-so-Southern people of SC

Vehicle? very dirty Jetta

Something you aren't wearing? jewelry

Your favorite store? H&M

Your favorite color? Jazzberry Jam

One place you to go over and over again? Little Anita's

Facebook? probably wouldn't survive without it

Favorite place? the Big Apple, Gotham, the City that Never Sleeps, the Empire City, the Modern Gomorrah, NYC

That was a bit reminiscent of those quizzes we used to e-mail around in middle school, but fun none the less. And now I get to play the Academy. Here are the 5 blogs that I think deserve this wonderful award:

My Masonic Apron - Get your daily dose of sarcasm here

Not That Kind of Girl - Everyone says you should try new things. NTKoG does them.

Away to Africa - Tales of a first year Peace Corps Volunteer in Lesotho

It's Always Buckley In Philadelphia - Vlog adventures of a very funny couple living in PA

Stalking Sunsets - Zen Mama knows who she is and isn't ashamed to tell you how she got that way

Well, there you have it folks. I'm muy flattered. Check out these other blogs and have a wonderful Tuesday!

Not The Kind of Girl Who...

2010-01-25T11:47:00.010-05:00

One of my recently favorite blogs is Not That Kind of Girl. You so should check it out but in case you are too lazy to click the link, I'll condense the project down to this: NTKoG is a hilarious young woman who (like me) broke up with her boyfriend and just up and moved to a new city all on her lonesome - no job, no friends, no anything (well, except her sister). She's found a way to make it work and in the process is redefining herself by doing all kinds of things outside of her comfort zone. I'm sure many have been inspired by this girl and I've certainly enjoyed reading her blog. This weekend, I was definitely channeling some NTKoG energy, so since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, this special entry will be written in NTKoG style. Hope she doesn't mind. ;)

NTKoG #1: The kind of girl who goes tango dancing. Or any kind of dancing.

I am: blissfully happy being a wallflower; I consider my two left feet a sign from God that I should not partake in any semi-choreographed movement.

I am not: one to get out there on the dance floor and grind with a stranger.

The scene: a stuffy gym in the bowels of Colorado University's campus. My two comrades, Alison and Sasha, and I walk in 15 minutes late to a circle of tango-ers. We put down our stuff, change our shoes, and get in on that action. As alluded to before, I am no dancer. The only dancin' shoes I've ever been accustomed to wearing are tap shoes... 7 years ago. Dancing makes me nervous because I have no rhythm - what. so. ever. I just feel as though I look like an idiot, which makes me self-conscious, which really makes me look like an idiot.

Nevertheless, I thought W.W.NTKoG.D (really, I did!) and decided to face my fears. Though I really didn't want to go when Sasha called, it was free and I didn't have anything else to do on Friday night. So Tango Night it was.

The girls and I joined in the tango circle and began learning the basic steps. The great thing about tango though, is that there really aren't any basic steps, at least not any that you have to count, which is good for me because we all know about my fated relationship with math. I came in expecting to learn to incorporate all sorts of crazy shit: Charlie Browns, shuffle-ball-changes, pirouettes. No; mostly we focused on reading our partners and keeping the imaginary rubber bands that connected us from snapping.

Even though we switched partners every couple songs, I ended up getting stuck with this lanky redhead wearing a t-shirt tuxedo all night. Unfortunately, he was quite the beginner too, which made for lots of stepped on feet. I can't tell you the number of times the instructor came over to us demanding that we hold our bodies up straighter and trust one another. Trust? Hold my head up straight? I don't think so - I had some toesie-wosies to protect!

After the hourish long lesson, they opened the floor for the real dance, which basically meant everyone at the lesson no longer had to stay in the tango circle. By this point, I was a bit tired, sweaty, and frustrated so I opted to sit by the wall and watch. It wasn't long, though, before the instructor walked by and signaled for me to join him on the dance floor. In my head, I let out a sigh, but then I remembered that I hadn't worn such a cute outfit to sit by the boom box all night. I took his hand and he spun me out into the "crowd." I use quotation marks because there really were no more than 10 couples out there on the dance floor.

Dancing with Instructor Alex was much different than dancing with the hesitant and semi-clumsy Ginger. Alex knew how to lead and read my body so well that even when I missed a step, he was right there, ready to fling me out into the next one. When you dance with someone who really knows what they are doing, it can actually be pretty fun!

The verdict: Turns out I'm not a complete idiot on the dance floor, at least not after a personal crash course in moves that don't include the third time step. All in all, it was fun but not really my thing. I don't think I'll be tangoing it up again anytime soon, but I'd definitely go watch. Maybe I'll even investigate other forms of dancing or finally sign up for that adult tap class I've been thinking about. One day I'll find my dancing niche. I'm sure of it.

Haiti or a Horse?

2010-01-22T11:37:00.002-05:00

Conan O'Brien is apparently going out with a bang, reportedly spending 4.8 million dollars on his parting sketch involving Kentucky Derby winner Mine that Bird and a custom made Snuggie for his short-lived stint on the Tonight Show. I haven't seen it, so maybe the sketch is hilarious and well worth the multi-millions, but I can't help but think about all the millions of people in Haiti whose lives were devastated by an earthquake less than 2 weeks ago and how much food and medical care that money could have bought them. Even Coco himself called the exorbancy "not so much funny as they are crazy expensive." Of course the US has done more than their part in rushing to the aid of the Haitian people, but my stomach still turns a little when I hear about stuff like this. I suppose that kind of wasteful spending is what America is made of.

My Spidey Sense Tell Me No

2010-01-22T07:58:00.006-05:00

For months and months, my Broadway World newsletter has been filled with reports of the "upcoming" on-again, off-again musical Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark. I say, turn off the lights on that idiotic show! I mean, who in the name of Marian Paroo is their target audience? Broadway people don't care about an arachnid cartoon character come to life as some sort of assumingly amazing tenor. And most Peter Parker fans don't run in the same social circles as the "Surrey with the Fringe on Top" crowd.

Not to mention the fact that this production has been talked about for 987234789234937 months and all the hype is ever over is whether or not SM:TOTD will actually one day happen. Wasn't it enough that I had to sit through previews for three Spiderman feature length films while waiting for my screening of My Big Fat Greek Wedding? And now I hear talk of a 4th installment? My money's on that being made before the Spidey lights ever come on at the Hilton Theatre.

Apparently all problems stem from going overbudget. That's what happens when you hire Bono to write the music for a show that absolutely no one is interested in seeing. I guess someone besides Bank of America might need to ask Prez Barack for a bailout. But don't fret - those six people who bought advance tickets will be getting refunds as the show's premiere is being pushed back (yet again) to Fall 2010.

My advice to Steatoda bitten director Julie Taymor? Postpone this nonsensical, surefire flop of a musical indefinitely and focus your efforts on the revival of Ben Franklin in Paris.

Mark My Words

2010-01-21T13:13:00.003-05:00

For the past month or so, I've had a little box on the side of my blog that I try to update daily (which turned into weekly, which turned into whenever I remember) with some of my favorite quotes. Almost 8 years ago, I began a quote journal and I am of the opinion that everyone should have one. If you don't have one, stop reading and go get one. Fill it with inspirational sayings, influential quotes, funny anecdotes; whatever the heck you want. Trust me - when you're having a bad day or need a little pick me up, the wise words of strangers can make a world of difference. Mine is particularly meaningful to me because I began it in high school and through the quotes I've chosen since that time, I can truly see how much I've grown and changed.

The problem with my quote box is that because those quotes go away every time I change them, they aren't saved for posterity sake. I'm counting on people studying this blog one day, or at least on my great-grandchildren reading it, so I'll record a couple of my very favorites below. I can't tell you all of them but I will provide you with a healthy dose. Feel free to take some for your own journal or suggest a few more for mine.

It's no good pretending that a relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party. -- Nick Hornby
Look, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. I think you're just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back, I really think you should look again. -- (500) Days of Summer
The thing I hate about an arguement is that it always interrupts a discussion. -- G.K. Chesterton
If you can't say something good about someone, sit right here by me. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible. -- Voltaire
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. -- Voltaire
It's no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then. -- Alice in Wonderland
The infamous twentieth-century philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein famously wrote: 'What we cannot speak about, we must pass over in silence.' And yet, song seems to let us pause within that silence, to find ourselves articulate within it. -- Steven Sater
The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly one you can never have. -- Kierkegaard
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. -- Anne Dillard
Please do not understand me too quickly. -- Andre Gide
From this new and intimate perspective she learned a simple, obvious thing she had always known, and everyone knew: that a person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn, not easily mended. -- Ian McEwan
It wasn't only wickedness and scheming that made people unhappy; it was confusion and misunderstanding; above all, it was the failure to grasp the simple truth that other people are as real as you are. And only in a story could you enter these different minds and show how they had an equal value. That was the only moral a story need have. -- Ian McEwan
Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so that he can tell when he's really in trouble. -- Dennis Fakes
Like so many Americans she was trying to construct a life that made sense from the things she found in a gift shop. -- Vonnegut
It's hard to fit in where you don't belong. -- Samantha Hoehner
Maybe this is the purpose of art, and theatre in particular - to experience what we experience, to see what's in front of us, to allow the truth in, with all its sorrow and brutality, because in the theatre we are not alone in our worried and stained beds. We are there for these moments together, joined by what we see and hear, made stronger, hopefully, by what opens us. -- Eve Ensler
More than kisses, letters mingle souls. -- John Donne
Six billion people in this world and I can only muster thoughts for one. Me. -- Donald Miller

And lastly, I'll leave you with this one because it tells the source of so many of the quotes I have collected.

It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive. -- James A. Baldwin

A bit of legal advice

2010-01-20T15:18:00.004-05:00

The most essential thing I have learned from my thus far brief career as a legal assistant: Court clerks are serious about their hatred for life.

And they sure as H-E-double-hockey-sticks don't appreciate when you joke about that.

Happy Birthday Claire Bear!

2010-01-19T11:08:00.006-05:00

Today is my little sister's birthday. I guess she's not so little anymore; she's not even a teenager anymore. But Claire is the best sister in the world... most of the time. You might think that you have the best sister in the world, or that someone out there in Pakistan or Aiken has the best sister in the world but you'd be wrong. Want proof? Okay.

So happy happy birthday Claire-a-belle! Wish I was there to celebrate with you. Make it a great one.

Serendipity's a Female Dog

2010-01-17T07:30:00.000-05:00

I went today to mail a letter to Sam. I stood in line for 10 minutes behind a diminutive Latina and a balding business man. The girl in front of me was filling out some paperwork while we waited, when this haughty diva in a pea-coat comes tropsing into the U.S. Post Office like she owned the place.

The Brat walked right up to me and said, "Are you in line?" I looked around.

Uh... yeah. Usually when you are standing behind a few other people in a vertical row, that constitutes a line.

I answered her and she said, "Well this little girl is still filling out stuff so I don't think you're in line." She proceeded to push her way past Latina and bust up to the front of the line. Well, Latina and I were having none of that. We pitched a fit. We were still yelling with her when the attendant called for the next customer.

"Excuse me. We have been waiting here for 10 minutes and this girl just comes up here and cuts us," proclaimed Latina and I piped in with an oh-so-tough "yeah!"

The Brat explained to the attendant, in a sickly sweet voice, that when she arrived, Latina was still writing in return addresses on her, count them, 2 envelopes, so she thought she shouldn't have to wait. Regardless, Latina was finished by the time she got to the front, and even if her argument were to hold up in the postal line standing rules handbook, I would be next, not The Brat.

The attendant sighed, gave Latina and me an "I'm sorry" look and asked The Brat how he could help her. She informed him that she was there to pick up a very important package. He trudged to the package room but was back in less than a minute.

"It's not here," he said flatly.

"What?" she practically screamed.

"I don't know what to tell you," he said with a smile. "Karma's a bitch."

List professions you'd like to try

2010-01-16T00:22:00.000-05:00

attorney
volunteer coordinator
sociologist
actress
writer
business owner
midwife
mother

Good Days and Bad Days

2010-01-15T13:18:00.012-05:00

So, yesterday I woke up, got dressed, at a little brekko and headed out to my car to go to work. This is what I found:

Apparently a group of asinine hudlums decided it would be fun to go around smashing out people's back windows the night before. It's not so much fun when your victim learns that it will cost $365.49 to replace her back window just so you could have shits and giggles from being mean, disrespectful, and yeah I'll say it, CRIMINAL. I just really don't understand why people don't have more respect for other people's property. Why is it funny or entertaining to hurt someone else? Another kicker; if these idiots had smashed out my front windshield, my insurance company would have replaced it for free.

The police supposedly have a few suspects, but I'm not getting my hopes up for much justice. I'm fairly certain that Officer Zigler and Detective Kark are no Oliva Benson and Elliot Stabler.

The day wasn't a total drag though because while the window repair guys were outside doing their thing, I got a call from ***** School of Law with news of my first law school acceptance!! I don't have much interest in going there, but it's such a relief to know that I have somewhere to go in the event that I don't get accepted anywhere else.

Why Haiti Is So Poor

2010-01-14T16:52:00.003-05:00

Marginal Revolution released some theories today that speculate as to why Haiti is such an impoverished nation. In the wake of the horrible earthquake that has killed at least 50,000 people (and likely much more), it's interesting to me that attention is usually given to the places that need it most only in the wake of disaster. Some of the author's reasons for why Haiti is so poor can be found below:

Haiti gained independence from France too soon, in the early 1800s. Caribbean neighbors Guadeloupe and Martinique waited, and get a good deal of aid from France.
Former French colonies tend to fare more poorly than, say, former English colonies.
The dictatorship of the Duvalier family, beginning in 1957, “destroyed civil society … a more or less random one-time event which wrecked the place."
Due to its place in the slave trade, Haitians came from many parts of Africa, and thus the culture “has long had lower levels of cohesion and cooperation.”

Oh, also - apparently Haiti made some sort of secret deal with the devil back when Napoleon III or whatever was in power. Something like that.

Held Up

2010-01-13T15:16:00.006-05:00

Did you ever see that episode of Friends where Pheobe is on hold with the phone company the whole show? I believe it's Season Three, Episode 22. Yeah, that's right. The One With the Screamer. Do you know why I can tell you that? Aside from the fact that I am a big time Friends fan, I had time to peruse tv.com and look it up. I've also had time to catch up on some light reading, draft a Summons and Complaint, check Facebook approximately a gazillion times, and google to my little heart's desire.

Why, you ask, do you, extremely busy and important legal assistant that you are, have time to be googling trivial matters such as the making of Avatar and what it is exactly that Sarah Palin is contributing as Fox News Contributor? Well, dear bloggers, it's because I have been on hold with the Colorado Department of Motor Vehicles for the past 43 minutes.

Here I sit, listening to the handbell rendition of Puff Daddy's "I'll Be Missing You" over and over again sporadically interspersed with a computerized Jane Doe assuring me that my call is very important. I'm beginning to feel just like Pheobe, except this phone call is on my boss' dime, not Monica's. And unlike Pheebs, I don't know how to work the speakerphone, so I'm predicting that my neck will have a permanent left tilt and/or need serious medical attention by the time this ordeal is through.

And I really have to pee. I can see the women's restroom from my desk and each time one of those girls from the eating disorder clinic from across the hall goes in and out, my bladder squeezes a just little tighter. I've been on hold 46 minutes now and I've been holding it for about 40, but I know the second I leave the phone for even a minute (I'm an impressively fast pee-er; I've been compared to a guy in terms of speed), the DMV clerk will pick up the phone, find me unresponsive and hang up, thus beginning the long, drawn out repetitions of dumbed down elevator music all over again.

So, since we've both obviously got some time on our hands, perhaps I could share with y'all my recent plague of hives from the HPV shot I got 4 wee--

Wait! It's ringing...

List the Broadway Musicals You've Seen

2010-01-13T10:29:00.002-05:00

This one's not in the book either. Shocking, I know. Also, I've seen many more musicals than this list shows, but the following are Broadway only, whether that be in NYC or on tour.

Wicked (x3)
Spring Awakening (x10)
Rent (x2)
The Drowsy Chaperone (x2)
Shrek
Young Frankenstein
The Apple Tree
Guys and Dolls
A Tale of Two Cities
The Light in the Piazza
Sweet Charity
Mary Poppins
Legally Blonde
Spamalot
The Lion King
Annie
The King and I
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

This April, I'll be adding Promises, Promises, Anyone Can Whistle, In The Heights and possibly American Idiot and South Pacific to that list. Can't wait!

Isn't it ironic?

2010-01-12T09:49:00.002-05:00

It has become painfully obvious to me that most people have no idea what irony is. In the past week, I've taken part in three different converstations in which someone said, "that's so ironic" and when I thought about what they were referring to, I deduced that it wasn't ironic at all. Oftentimes people use the word ironic when they really mean coinicidental. So, as a favor to you (and English majors everywhere) here is a short lesson on the difference between irony and coincidence. If you know the difference between the two, go forth and use the terms correctly. And check back here tomorrow for another exciting post having nothing what-so-ever to do with the rules of English grammar.

Okay, irony, in a nutshell, is when something happens that is the total opposite of what you expected to happen. Coincidence is when two things happen by accident but seem to be connected.

Generally, there are three types of irony: verbal, situational, and dramatic.

Verbal irony is when someone says something, but they really mean the opposite of what they are saying. Oftentimes, verbal irony is used for humor. For example, when Joey says, "Who knows what I might say this time?" Chandler responds with, "If only there was something in your head to control the things you say." This is ironic because Joey does have something in his head to control the things he says: his brain.

Situational irony is when there is a situation that ends differently than one would expect for any number of reasons. For example, if a locksmith gets locked outside of his own home, that's ironic because one would expect a person who opens doors for a living to never be without a key.

Lastly, we have dramatic irony, which is when the audience is aware of a certain situation but the character actually in the situation is not. Charles Darnay's extreme dislike for Sydney Carton is ironic since Carton turns out to be the one who saves Darnay from a gruesome death at the hands of Madame Guillotine in Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities.

To be extra clear, it's not ironic when:

A guy you know starts dating a girl who has the same name as you do.
You are talking about someone you haven't seen in years and then you see them the next day at the airport.
You are hungy for a burrito from Taco Bell and you end up eating a burrito from Taco Bell for dinner.
It rains on your wedding day.

Okay, glad we nipped that in the bud. Now, I'm off to brave the frigid temperatures of Colorado. Isn't -4 degrees just wonderful? (I'm being ironic.)

My grandmother, better than the Tooth Fairy

2010-01-11T09:55:00.004-05:00

I was 7 years old and standing in front of the mirror in my grandmother's guest bathroom, systematically wiggling a loose tooth. My cousin sat on the side of the tub and watched, enthralled by the way my gums changed color from pink to white as I applied pressure back and forth.

My grandmother stuck her head in and checked to see that we weren't setting something on fire or cutting one another's hair. "Loose tooth?" she asked.

"Yep. Almost a goner," Philip said.

"I'll pull it," my grandmother said, a little too excitedly.

I eyed her with suspicion and went back to poking and prodding the infant pearl with my tongue.

"Oh please, Rachel. Let me pull it," she begged.

"No thanks. I'm good," I said matter-of-factly. I was of the mindset that body parts should not be yanked out mercilessly but rather be allowed to disembark naturally and in their own time.

"Rachel, don't be a baby. It's practically hanging by a thread anyway. I used to pull all your mom's teeth when she was a kid. It won't even hurt," she pleaded.

"I'm good," I repeated and inched a little closer to the door, putting distance between me and my suddenly tooth pulling crazed grandmother.

"Rachel, please. If you let me pull your tooth, I'll take you to Toys R' Us and buy you anything in the store," she blurted out.

Hold up. Shit just got interesting.

I glanced over at Philip who was practically jumping up and down, silently pleading with me to take the deal, no doubt thinking he'd somehow benefit from it as well.

"Hmmm... okay." I said, as I popped down the lid on the toilet and hopped on. The delight in my grandmother's eyes scared me a bit, but to my 7 year old mind, the ends more than justified the means. My grandmother stuck her hand in my mouth and I closed my eyes, ready for that horrible sound and inevitable pain. But it didn't come. I peeped open one eyelid and made out Philip staring at me with a kind of sick look on his face.

"MMMMOOOOOOMMMM!" I screamed, blood gushing from my mouth. "Get tha car redthy. Ma-ma justh pulled mah toof. Leth's go get thum toys!"

Philip and I bolted out of the bathroom and dashed downstairs. Before we left, I caught a glimpse of my grandmother's face as she clutched the tiny pebble of white. The satisfaction and happiness beaming from her in that moment is an image I'll not soon forget.

Don't tell me what I can't do!

2010-01-08T15:31:00.005-05:00

Michelle must be a Lostie. Point for pop culture and LOST fans everywhere! Yay!

Did I mention that I love Obama??

We All Everybody.

2010-01-08T15:03:00.009-05:00

Unless you have time traveled back to the 70s, you've heard about the outrage of LOST fans over the possible fist-bump by Obama for his State of the Union address on February 2.

I, more than many (at least, according to Fox News) still adore and support dear Obamsy. But, he's about to ruin my life. Sir, I know what the state of the Union is. It sucks. Now I want to know what's new with LOST.

I think columnist Michael Roston does have a point when he writes that we, as responsible citizens of the good ol' US of A, should care more about a speech by the Big O than about a fictional television series. But the harsh reality is that I/we don't. I've waited almost 8 months to find out if Juliet's (possible) death was in vain and if Jack and the gang made it back to the 21st century intact. With all due respect, Mr. President, the state of the union will likely be the same on Wednesday as it will be on Tuesday. Save the speech for then. Please. Perhaps you're willing to wait, Mr. Roston, but I'm not.

If you're on twitter, do your part and tweet "#NoStateofUnionFeb2" to join the campain to keep LOST on for it's original season 6 premiere air date. Do it for me. Do it for the Smoke Monster and the polar bears and even Ana Lucia. It's your destiny.

Sadness and the City

2010-01-07T11:11:00.016-05:00

Well, I'm embarrassingly sad to report that my not-so-secret guilty pleasure is finito. Well, just about finito. I still have both movies to look forward to and possibly, hopefully, a SATC2 related visit from Hannah B. in May.

I know Hannah O. will likely roll her eyes at my profound distress over the ending of my own personal screening of all six seasons of Sex and the City, but I don't even care! It's been an incredible journey and through it all, I couldn't help but ask myself... okay, okay. I'll cut the crap. But in all sincerity, I'm really going to miss Carrie and Co.

Now that I'm more than well versed in all things Sex and the City, I have a few critiques to make. Although the show overall has little to no basis in reality and/or intellectual value, the following is a list of SATC observations that I feel merit a discussion:

1. As Hannah O. once so poignantly said, Carrie writes incredibly obvious things which she acts like are revolutionary and enlightening new thoughts. (Read this next sentence in SATC voice over mode) Earlier today, I got to thinking and I couldn't help but wonder, when it comes to literature, does Carrie Bradshaw know how corny and annoying her column is...? (**pauses, licks lips, tilts head, brushes curl out of face and gazes up thoughtfully**)
2. Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha aren't friends with one another. They are all just friends with Carrie and therefore forced to hang out.
3. Big is an asshole and Aiden is a saint. Berger is a loser and Aleksandr is a narcissist. And Carrie is an idiot.
4. Men don't ever really just ask out women on the street, especially not ones that look like Miranda.
5. Charlotte acts all innocent and naive but she sleeps with just as many people as the rest of them.
6. They are all sluts, albeit highly entertaining sluts.

All that being said, for the past two months I couldn't tear myself away. I watched seven episodes last night alone (and alone). There've been good times and bad, but in the duration I've learned more than I ever thought I could about Cosmopolitans, vibrators, and Manolo Blahniks. I've also added another 28.2 hours to my TV watching total.

Fabulous.

List major American cities you've visited

2010-01-06T09:19:00.002-05:00

Columbia, SC
Boston, MA
San Francisco, CA
Los Angeles, CA
Kansas City, KA
Atlanta, GA
Washington, DC
Houston, TX
New York City, NY
Memphis, TN
Nashville, TN
Chicago, IL
Milwaukee, WI
Orlando, FL
Tampa, FL
Portland, OR
Seattle, WA
Albuquerque, NM
Charleston, SC
Charlotte, NC
Denver, CO
Oklahoma City, OK

Potty Humor

2010-01-05T09:48:00.003-05:00

There are all kind of crazies in this world. Usually they are funny, tolerable, entertaining even, but sometimes one (and when I say one, I mean I) just has to speak out against the nonsense.

There is a woman who works on my floor who is an environment hater. Atleast that's the only conclusion I can reach considering she wastes who knows how many gallons of water in the bathroom each day. She comes into the restroom, turns on the sink, and then proceeds to hang out in the stall for 3 minutes or more. I have witnessed this horror firsthand on three seperate occasions.

I'll admit that I am not the most environmentally friendly person I know, though I do try my best. (Side note: why does Denver make it so hard to recycle?! If you want people to do it, make it really easy for them!) But this elderly woman, whom I shall hereto refer to as the Decrepid Nemesis is an upright, downright, inright, outright water waster. Doesn't she know how precious our natural resources are?! Apparently not.

Today, when I walked into the women's restroom, I noticed the water running, as usual. I knew who the culprit was and it made me infuriated. Before I went into a stall, I turned the faucett off. I immediately heard a woman's voice shout, "turn that back on!"

I said, "Why? You're not using it and frankly, you're wasting a lot of water."

She said, "I need it on."

I said, "I'm sorry, but it's not okay to waste this much water for no reason."

Silence.

"I need it on or I can't pee. The sound of water helps me flush out my kidneys."

Silence.

I turned around and walked out. Not only was I weirded out, I decided I will not participate in the destruction of Planet Earth because of Decrepid Nemesis' psychotic bathroom habits. I can only hope Samantha would be proud!

List the TV shows of which you have seen every episode

2010-01-04T12:29:00.007-05:00

Okay, this one's not in the book, but still noteworthy.

Friends
Gilmore Girls
The Office
30 Rock
LOST
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Modern Family
Full House
Pushing Daisies
Weeds
True Blood
Glee

Before you judge, I'd invite you to take a gander at your own TV watching habits. In today's society, I'd be willing to bet that most people's total hours of television charted are comparable to mine.

List past jobs you've had

2010-01-02T12:12:00.001-05:00

sales associate at a paint-your-own-pottery shop
administrative assistant for an exterminating company
manufacturer of silicone facial implants for the Chinese
resident assistant
technical writer
Campus Campaign Coordinator for Teach for America
nanny
legal assistant

More shit my roommate says

2010-01-01T07:24:00.004-05:00

Jess: This entire suitcase is filled with shampoo.
Me: Why?
Jess: Because Rachel, apparently my family thinks I really need to wash my hair.

Me: I'm thinking of getting my hair chemically straightened.
Jess: Don't do that! It's the anti-perm!

Jess: I can't believe it's almost 2011.
Rachel: You mean 2010?
Jess: Oh yeah. I thought 2010 went by really fast...

Jess: I started playing this great game in the airport. It's called Judgment. All you do is pass judgment on the people around you. You judge them by the color of their skin, what they're wearing, how fast they're walking and decide where they're going. For example, you see an Asian and you can pretty much bet their final destination is not Oklahoma.

Jess: The secret is you've got to look good when no one else does. That's why I wear makeup when I ski. You see, at Prom everyone looks great, so how are you going to out-do them? I say, you've got to hit them while they're down.

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

2009-12-31T15:47:00.004-05:00

I was supposed to be a total ski bunny today.

Instead, I'm sitting on my couch, Snuggie-clad, watching Gilmore Girls reruns and thinking of ways to motivate myself to windex the Crayola glass marker Christmas mural off our dining room windows. It's times like these that my little heart longs for New York City, where I won't need to have a car that decides to completely break down on my way up to Vail for an awesome New Years' weekend with one of my favorite Southerners.

List places you've lived

2009-12-31T12:11:00.001-05:00

Charleston, SC
Columbia, SC
Salamanca, Spain
Clemson, SC
Denver, CO

List names of past schools you've attended

2009-12-30T12:05:00.002-05:00

Trenholm Road United Methodist Pre-School
North Springs Elementary School
Summit Parkway Middle School
Ridge View High School
Estudio Sampere (study abroad in Spain)
Clemson University

Yet another post about LOST

2009-12-29T18:18:00.004-05:00

For all you viewers out there in TV Land who talk shit about LOST, I once again state that you are just not smart enough to keep up. My all time favorite show snagged the number 13 spot on TV.com's The 15 Most Influential Shows of the Decade. For a show that lives up to its name for viewers who miss just one episode, staff writer Stephanie Lee had this to say: "LOST is best described as a serial mindf@*k. Or, as Tim Surette put it, 'the first show that required homework and was a full-time job.'"

What I have to say? 35 more days!!

Un-Missed Connections

2009-12-29T11:30:00.007-05:00

Getting back to Denver was a bit stressful, to say the least. Because of all the recent thwarted terrorist attempts, I feared security would be a clusterfuck, and therefore insisted on arriving at the airport atleast three hours before my flight took off. I got through checking my luggage and security in ten minutes.

Two episodes of Law and Order: SVU later, I was buckled in and listening to the safety precaution spiel as we taxied away from the gate when a man suddenly jumped up from his seat and ran to the bathroom. I know every single person on that plane thought we were about to blow up, but it turns out he only had food poisoning. His sudden illness, however, caused a major delay as we had to go back to the gate so he could deplane, have a custodian come to clean the lavatory, and wait for the man's luggage to be taken out from under the aircraft.

My connecting flight from Minneapolis to Denver was scheduled to take off at 9:45pm and my flight from Charlotte arrived in the Twin Cities at approximately 9:58pm. Apparently, there were 6 of us on the flight to Denver, so miracle of miracles, they held it for us. As we walked on to the plane, I could feel the hatred of the other passengers. I was tired, I was hungry, I was stressed out and my spirits dropped even lower when I discovered I was assigned a seat right in the middle of Ski-Bum-Sam and a fidgety Korean six year old.

The only kid I want to sit next to on a plane is Jane, and sometimes not even her, so needless to say I was not thrilled about being seat buddies with this young whippersnapper, especially since his mother was seated approximately three rows back with his little brother. In situations like that, I cannot for the life of me understand, why other passengers don't give up their window seat and let families sit together.

I stowed my carry-ons underneath the seat in front of me and closed my eyes, hoping to get at least a few minutes of sleep. I got lucky because the next thing I knew, we were at cruising altitude and young Jin (sorry - I've got LOST on the brain) was tossing, turning, kicking the seat in front of him, and wimpering in a fitful sleep. A bit panicked, I looked back to get his mother's attention, but she too, was fast asleep. I wasn't sure what to do, but after a few more cries from this cute little Asian, my nurturing instinct kicked in and I ruffled his hair and gently shushed him. He opened his eyes, smiled up and me, and placed his little hand in mine. He squeezed and I squeezed back.

In that moment, two strangers shared some things we all seek: acceptance, comfort, and a hand to hold for the duration of the journey.

Jury's still out on the "getting wiser" part

2009-12-26T14:19:00.004-05:00

I plucked a gray eyebrow hair today. WTF?

For the past several weeks, I've been noticing gray hairs intermittently dispersed throughout my head. After the anxiety attack subsides, I rip them from my cursed skull, one by one. You may not have picked up on this, but I am not happy with this situation in the least. I mean, I'm 23 years old for God's sake! My life is hardly that stressful. What gives?

So, I did the only thing I could think to do. I called the culprit of this crime: my grandmother. Bug is famous for her beautiful white head of hair so I knew her genes were to blame. She was not helpful. Bug just laughed off my distress and said that age 23 is about the time that she started going gray. My one consolation is that she is one of the most stunningly gorgeous women I know so perhaps I'll inherit her beauty as well.

I suppose it's almost time to start investing in some good brown hair dye... Blurgh.

Good for Goodness Sake

2009-12-22T17:24:00.003-05:00

My friend, Mandy, is having twins in January and has been put on bed rest, so for the past two afternoons, I have had the distinct pleasure of hanging out with her sons, ages six and eight. Today, while at the zoo, the children started bickering and I had to break it up. They were both furious with one another, and as I turned my head back to the gorilla exhibit I heard the older one whisper to the younger, "Santa Claus saw what just happened and he's on my side."

Urban Dictionary Yourself

2009-12-20T07:22:00.001-05:00

I just put my name into the urbandictionary.com search engine and got the following results. I'd say they're pretty accurate. Maybe.

Rachel: (n) a smart, sassy and sexy young woman who knows things from fashion to film to literature, from Manolo Blahniks to Mahatma Gandhi.

ex. She impressed everybody in the meeting. She's such a Rachel.

Sparks: (n) a complimentary term for gifted individuals of exceedingly high intelligence, usually in the creative arts.

ex. Look at that couple of bright Sparks; they're totally deck!

Runners up for Rachel: a good listener and a leader with the love of many (ex. I need a Rachel to cry on); one who spazzes about everything, but in a fun, lovable and entertaining way; and a heart-breaker

Runners up for Sparks: Red Bull and vodka already mixed together in a large 16oz can; crack in a can; and the first person in the circle to light up the weed

A Very Merry Unbirthday.

2009-12-19T07:20:00.007-05:00

December 19 is the 353rd day of the year in the Gregorian calendar.

On this day in 324, Linicus abdicated (which is a super fancy way to say "renounced") his position as emporer of the Roman Empire.

On this day in 401, Pope Anastasius I died. (He's the dude credited with instructing priests to bow their heads as they read from the gospels.)

On this day in 1154, Henry II of England was crowned king at Westminister Abbey. (He did not behead his wife, but did have her placed under house arrest for 15 years for acting out.)

On this day in 1828, John C. Calhoun penned the South Carolina Exposition and Protest of the Tariff of 1828. (Way to go Cast Iron Man!)

On this day in 1972, the last manned lunar flight (Apollo 17) returned to Earth. (Giving bigger meaning to the phrase "I'll be home for Christmas.")

On this day in 2003, the United Nations declared December 19 National South-South Cooperation Day. (As far as I can make out, this has something to do with political unrest and technological resources in developing South America, but since the website was in Español, I can't really be sure.)

Hmmm... December 19 seems to be a very important date for a plethora of reasons.

Oh yeah. It's also my birthday. How silly; whatever was I thinking? That's the most important!

Happy 23rd birthday to me, to me!

Don't marry a lawyer. Be one.

2009-12-18T11:00:00.002-05:00

I officially submitted all 14 of my law school applications today!! Let's all have a collective sigh of relief. I'll wait.

I know 14 sounds like a lot, but if it makes you feel better, I only paid to apply to 6. The other 8 waived the application fee and I figured, if it's free, I might as well apply. Now it's a waiting game. All the schools are on rolling deadlines, so I should get some news in mid February at the earliest.

The LSAC website has this neat little app that predicts one's likelihood of getting into different schools based on undergraduate GPA and LSAT score. A digital crystal ball, if you will. I've been told to that the rule of thumb is to apply to 25% of schools you don't think you'll get into, 25% that you think you definitely will get into, and %50 of schools that could go either way. There are no Harvards or Yales on my list, but I suppose I tried to stick to the equation somewhat: There are 4 schools that I don't think will be sending me acceptance letters, 5 that I'd be surprised to be rejected from, and the other 5 are total toss ups. I suppose we shall just have to wait and see what my legal eagle future holds.

It's a bird, it's a plane...

2009-12-18T07:32:00.001-05:00

Just a quick post to let you know that I rode on the elevator today with Superman.

For reals.

Well, he was actually dressed as his alterego, Clark Kent, but I wasn't fooled. This inpenetrable four-eyed stud was a bit lankier than one would imagine but I think it's just becuase he didn't want to be noticed. I'm pretty sure there were some inflatable muscles hiding in that sports coat and I think I saw a bit of blue tights peeping out from underneath his jeans.

Superman being a hero of my dad's, I could barely contain myself and was just about to ask him for an autograph or a kiss when the elevator doors opened and he rushed out, no doubt to rescue a small kitten from a tree or to leap some tall buildings in a single bound. Oh well, there's always next time.

Shit my roommate says

2009-12-17T07:20:00.006-05:00

Jess: If I read your blog, I might be in danger of learning about pop culture, and we cannot allow that to happen.

Jess: We'll get drunk and innocently bead.

Jess: We really need a hat rack, you know? How can this be our home if we don't even hang our hats here?!

Jess: Sex and the City is like what goes on in your head everyday so you don't really need to watch it. It's like "man that guy's hott but he doesn't really like me. Let's go buy shoes."

Jess: The happiest part is that the Grinch learns the true meaning of Christmas. Those Whos don't even care about their shit. See, Rachel? No commercialism.

Rachel: I hate hate hate doing dishes. If I were rich I would buy us a dishwasher and pay for the extra water bill.
Jess: If I were rich, I'd buy us a slave.

An exercise in (super) short story writing

2009-12-16T15:16:00.010-05:00

Waiting to Sleep

The orchestrated sound of systematic beeping prompted him to go to the window. He peered out from behind the sheer mustard drapes to see his 1962 Volkswagen Samba being towed away through the fresh, crunchy snow. He had had some good times in that old camper, but no matter. Now, it was just another tally on the list of things being transported out of his miserable life.

He furrowed his brow and wiped away the sweat beads as he sunk back down into his stained and worried easy chair. He didn't know why he was sweating; the temperature in that ancient crusty apartment had to be at least in the 20s. The heat had been cut off a little over 3 months ago after he'd started using the mail as a pee pad for his hound, Artie.

The man let his head settle lightly on the cushion pinned to the back of the chair and closed his eyes. Sleep. He wanted desperately to just sleep. Only in sleep could he escape the heap of despair that he'd let his life become. Yes, he. He took full responsibility for letting things fall into this oblivion of hopelessness, but just because one accepts the charge doesn't mean one has to do a damn thing to change it.

He supposed he could blame Marette. She was the one, afterall, who had slipped away and left him behind to a life of total incapacitation. But deep down, he knew he could never condemn his sweet Marette. In life, she had been simply pulchritudinous and she'd doted on him like any mother does a small child. Albert enjoyed the attention, but he also loved her fiercely and deeply. He had ever since that first day he could remember her in Cheeseman Park.

He hadn't been into their bedroom since the day he'd come in from chopping down the Christmas tree and found her dead. He couldn't bring himself to return to that euphoric place of loving and sharing, couldn't bear to be alone with the emptiness that now rented that sacred space.

Sleep. He longed for it again and eyed the medicine bottle on the cluttered coffee table. Just one pill to help me sleep, he thought. He clicked open the child safety seal and dry swallowed one of the sea green pellets, his tiny capsule of escape. Even with the aid of modern science, he hadn't been sleeping well, so to be sure he swallowed six more pills and then three more to be extra sure. He washed it down with a swig of whiskey from a glass that had been sitting on the table for who knows how long.

Within a half hour, the man began to feel it. The welcomed effects of the barbituate washed over him like the billows of the sea, held him close like the sticky arms of a lover. With the promise of release, he gained confidence and walked briskly down the hall to the bedroom, the last place he'd ever kissed her good morning. Quietly and with a drowsy tenderness, he pushed open the door with his foot and gazed into the darkness.

When his eyes adjusted, he saw her. There she was. Marette. Radiant, serene, pure and softly resting underneath the eiderdown comforter, using Artie as a pillow. Her silky black hair sat atop her pristine shoulders and if he held his breath, he could see hers making slow white circles of mist in the cold air. He drew closer, noiselessly so as not to wake his Sleeping Beauty. He kicked off his house shoes and eased onto the bed the two had shared for over 40 years.

As he lay down, fighting to keep his eyes open, he stroked her head. Chunks of old, rubbery skin came away with his hand as he rubbed her forehead gently to and fro. Clumps of greasy charcoal hair fell onto the musty sheets when he brushed through her scalp with his fingers. He rolled onto his side and pulled her stiff corpse to him, nuzzled her cold cadaverous neck and finally fell into the eternal sleep that he'd so long and desperately desired.

Christmas comes but once each year...

2009-12-16T01:04:00.003-05:00

Tonight Jess and I watched Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown which inspired the following video. No Grinches in this household!

Also - I now have SNOW on my blog!! Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year!

I love the smell of school supplies in the morning

2009-12-15T13:01:00.003-05:00

Staples is my Mecca. I get giddy at the thought of newly sharpened pencils and scores of Post-it notes. So, naturally I was over the moon when my boss asked me to pick up a couple things on my way to the post office this morning. I even played my pump-up music ("Kernkraft 400") on the drive there.

But Staples is a very dangerous place, especially for a girl who a) isn't going to school any time soon and b) is supposed to be on a budget. It's filled with landmines of star-shaped paperclips and every color Sharpie under the rainbow just waiting to ambush you into submission. Oh the wonderful projects I could do, organize and ship at Staples... Every aisle is filled with office supply bliss. Surely, this is what heaven (at least my heaven) must be like.